G-pinions

Motorstorm (PS3) - Have you ever hung out with a dog breeder? They take you around their massive, dog-humping estate and talk your ear off about these perfect little specimens they have created. You, being cordial, smile and nod as another round of pups says its hellos. To the average person, puppies may be cute but they are virtually indistinguishable from one another. They all have floppy ears, poop incessantly, and inspire tales about Big Red Dogs who terrorize vulnerable children. As a dog aficionado, I don't share your simple-minded affliction. But I can relate. Just about every racing game simply blends into the crowd for me. Sure, there are standout entries like Burnout and Mario Kart, but the vast majority are merely graphically enhanced versions of Rally X. Motorstorm has that next generation sheen and mud that could blind a yak, but I'd rather play another round of Super Off Road. Who's with me?

Def Jam: Icon (X360/PS3) - Every time a new Def Jam comes out, I fondly remember the days when Thrill Kill was going to single-handedly destroy the society our founding fathers struggled to build. Does anyone even remember this game anymore? It was a four player fighting game for the original PlayStation that set out to make Super Smash Bros obsolete before it even hit the streets. Of course, the concept sounds cool enough as is, but Virgin went the extra mile. They tossed sadistic hedonists into this M rated brawler in the hopes of garnering more attention for their poorly crafted creation. Electronic Arts actually took notice, not because of the shocking material, but because a developer had some how programmed a four player fighter to run on that ancient hardware. Needless to say, EA bought Virgin, stole their property, and turned it into the thug-mashing beat 'em up you see before you. What's new about Icon? It's $60. Welcome to next gen.

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories (PS2) - The PSP version came out last year. It was outsold by the Nintendo DS version of Hanna Montana.

Worms (XBLA) - The Xbox Live Arcade is finally cooking. Who would have ever thought that worms could be such violent little creatures, or that they would somehow be able to use a rope without any appendages whatsoever? I certainly wouldn't have believed such a statement, but the facts speak for themselves. Another little know fact about my favorite invertebrates: though they battle frequently, they can only move after their wormy opponent has already taken his turn. Courtesy or stupidity? You'll have to decide tomorrow, for a small $10 observation fee. A strange, fascinating species that I hope lets us see even deeper into their demented society with future expansion packs.