G-pinions

I am fully aware that Nick already wrote about Zoo Keeper a mere four days ago, but now that I got my hands on the game I feel I have to weigh in. Simply put, the game is fantastic. I've said time and time again that the majority of portable games should fall into one of three genres: puzzle, platformer and RPG. It seems like the DS is a utopian platform for puzzle games and, if Kirby is any indication, could be the second coming of platformers. Now we just need an RPG or two released.

Anyway, on to Zoo Keeper. Like Nick said, it's very similar to both Krazy Kreatures and Tetris Attack. In fact, there's almost no difference between the games. I would scold Success (that's the name of a developer? I would chide them for arrogance if it wasn't so lame) for stealing their ideas from previously released games, but ZK is just too fun to worry about little things like intellectual property theft. It seemed like every minute or so, while Nick and I were engaging in a hectic match, I would scream with joy or horror. Who knew lining up three of the same animal in a row could be so exciting? And, while it's actually a pretty obvious idea, the use of the second screen is gold. The bottom screen is where your playing field is located, the top screen lets you look at your opponents'. A few times I would scream "I can't find a match!" only to hear pompous Nick reply "look at the damn giraffes on your lower left!" Adds a whole new dimension to trash talking.

Now that I'm knee-deep in NDS goodness I need to keep the ball rolling. Kirby Canvas Curse, which I'll write about in-depth when I finally defeat the end boss, has been keeping me distracted from my school work for the past two weeks and you already know how much I love Zoo Keeper. I really need to buy Meteos and Advance Wars; I'm only worried they'll end up taking over my life completely.

I should probably warn my readers that I will probably be complaining about Microsoft offering two different Xbox 360 packages until the Xbox 3 finally comes out. This is the first time in the history of gaming that a company has willingly segmented their user base from the get go. While Sega was punished for their catastrophic mistakes with the Genesis and their endless release of useless peripherals, the damage this will ultimately do to Microsoft is not yet known. I was going to post yesterday to inform my readers that Gabe Newell, instrumental in the creation of Half-Life 2, has gone on record as saying that MS is making a huge mistake. "It's like, Xbox 360 doesn't make my life any better, and in fact, it makes it a lot worse, as you're telling me I can't count on having a hard drive." Developers don't know if they should develop with a hard drive in mind and offer their product to a smaller number of consumers, or dumb down the game to have a wider sales base available to them. Clearly, this will severely limit the potential of this system... and it's not even out yet!

Anyway, while one company is desperately trying to screw up the industry, Sony seems to be taking a much more sensible stance. While Phil Harrison, the VP of Sony's European branch, is certainly not the final word on PS3 pricing, he has stated that it would be ridiculous to follow Microsoft's path. Creating confusion is a very, very bad idea, especially in regards to technology where most people are quite ignorant anyway.

Before Sony makes a firm decision one way or another, I need to get my thoughts on potential packaging out there: please don't repeat the same mistakes you made with the PSP. Charging $50 more by including a bunch of worthless accessories is a lousy way to pad your wallets. While MS's error is sheer stupidity, Sony's mistake is fueled solely by greed. I understand that Sony as a whole doesn't suck in the cash like they used to, but their PlayStation division essentially prints its own currency at this point. Everyone is going to buy a PS3 anyway, just offer the system, one controller and the needed cables like you always do, and let consumers decide what accessories they actually want.

So, who does Matt Cassamassamassamassa think he is? Just cause he gets to review the Gameboy Micro he thinks he can steal my bit? C'mon Matt, it was funny when I did it, but biting things is so passe now.


Me being funny just over a year ago, Matt being lame just a few days ago.

Shocking, isn't it? You'd think he have better things to do then browse inferior gaming sites. Oh, wait, he's the Gamecube editor, maybe not.

The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction is really quite good. The same raw, focused energy that was central to the look and feel of the character in his most recent cinematic outing is present throughout in the game, along with all of the brutally appropriate animations. Think of Spider-Man 2 meets Mercenaries meets a kick in the face, and you have some idea of what the feels like. Going with that comparison, I would actually say it's the best of both worlds - swinging around in Spider-Man was brilliant, but the missions lamed it up, whereas the missions were the primary source of enjoyment in Mercenaries. Regarding the kick in the teeth, well, if there's an upside, Hulk incorporates it.

Just like the best 3D action games, everything just feels right. Bouncing like a massive green flea through city streets and running up the sides of skyscrapers is wonderfully tactile and rewarding, as is throwing a city bus into a helicopter and being shot by a tank. It's not quite as....easy to traverse all heights and angles as it was in the aforementioned web-slinging epic, but it's a lot more grounded (certainly no pun intended, don't insult me) and satisfying when you do end up exactly where you planned after plummeting seventy stories. They did the combat right too, as every thousand-pound punch, sonic clap and atomic ground slam is useful and responsive. There are a TON of moves to unlock as well, which helps the combat to grow more interesting and dynamic as the game progresses (and the enemies get more aggressive). The game actually does a really solid job overall with pacing and progression; just when you start to tire of the rainy cityscape, you're dumped into the desert to fuck with oxen and run along canyon walls. And then back to the city after a bit, only it's daytime and the smashy smashy it even easier to enjoy.

There's so much fun to be had. Grabbing soldiers, running up a building and hurling them out into the ocean screaming has to be one of my favorite pastimes, as does floating gently down from up high by holding a giant inflatable used car lot gorilla over your head. The developers know this stuff is inherently fun too, as a solid percentage of the myriad (for you, my Dan) side missions involve silly yet sadistically fun tasks such as soldier batting and kicking field goals with cars. Even the more predictable ones such as defending certain areas, rescuing people and gathering floating markers are fun though, simply because everything feels so right. Oh, and before I forget, the boss fights are really fantastic. Very little gimmicky crap needs to be performed, it's mostly just you and your opponent whaling on each other (in nice large destructible, weapon-littered environments of course) until one of you goes down. That's not to say that the epic, "being chased by the entire goddamn U.S. Army" missions aren't thrillsville, it's just very satisfying going one-on-one with a relative equal once in a while.

I suppose I'm still in the honeymoon stage with this once since I'm only a half dozen hours in or so, but it's lasted much longer than I thought it would. Every time that I get into a relatively mundane rhythm of progressing through missions and beating down my foes, I get a new move or insight that changes the gameplay just enough to keep things really fresh. It certainly gets the most elaborate tip of my hat that this just-now-invented ludicrous rating scale will allow, and I'll be sure to let you know my final thoughts when that time rolls around.