G-pinions

Note: This is a review of a beta build. I understand how stupid that is. Please don't remind me.

I may be the only gamer on the planet who honestly does not enjoy playing unfinished builds of games. I have been traumatized by flashing lights and crashing games at three different Electronic Entertainment Expos, I have pleaded with developers to just cut their loses and cancel their crappy game at numerous focus groups, and I have had my eyes water with the brutal punishment found in countless demos. I do not understand the appeal of playing games before they are finished. Halo 3 beta reinforces this idea to the point that I am on all fours, begging for the abuse to stop. There is a reason Halo 3 is not actually coming out until September 25 - it's an incomplete mess.

I hate to use decimal points to insult a game, but the Halo 3 beta has earned that most petty of insults. This is Halo 2.2. The graphics are slightly better (although, when I first saw the game in motion on a 45" HD screen, I could not tell if it was Halo 3 or Halo 2) and there are some new weapons and scenarios to play around with. Those minor upgrades, the kind of upgrades (other than graphics) a developer could charge 800 points for on the Marketplace, are not enticing enough for me to dub thee Halo 3. The developers offered a few minor tweaks on the basic Halo formula and went back to their massive pile of money.

Why do I sound so bitter? I am actually bored of the game after playing just 35 matches. I haven't even touched the game in a week. When I see a friend online playing the Beta, I invite him to play Settlers of Catan with me instead of joining him for what will invariably be a frustrating and even boring experience. It can still be kind of fun when you play with a big group of friends, just like every multiplayer game ever released, and I am still looking forward to the cooperative campaign mode, but the basic mechanic of killing strangers with shotguns and plasma grenades has grown stale. I have loved and played Halo since the beginning, when my only Xbox owning buddy forced me to play the part of his reckless driving victim on the vast fields of Blood Gultch, but the formula seems antiquated to me now. With three years in development and expectations at an all time high, I expected Bungie to reinvent the way I play multiplayer games. I wanted them to shake the very foundation of First Person Shooters. Instead, they added a portable bubble shields and man cannons.

Halo 3 is not just for fans of the series, it is for people who want to play the same game with a different controller. I cannot believe Bungie has the gall to release a Beta that offers the most basic upgrades imaginable. Even more shocking, I can't believe people are actually praising them for their meager efforts. Anyone who has read this site at any point in the last few years should know that I hate what Electronic Arts and Activision are doing to this industry. I have said over and over again that yearly updates are a bad idea and will eventually cripple the entire industry. I think we can finally see the ill-effects of all those Tony Hawks and Need for Speeds in the public response to Halo 3. People have been so conditioned to expect next to nothing in their sequels that, even when a game overloaded with hype and three years development time comes around, people still cannot imagine a product that actually reaches beyond the grasp of its predecessor. Halo 3 is an Activision sequel. As a fan of Bungie and the Halo franchise, this sickens me.

I am not throwing a shovel on Halo yet, but I can say my expectations have been lowered significantly. I feel like I am a parent who has the unenviable task of raising a child who brings home straight Cs with every report card. Like Bungie, that child is clearly not even trying at this point. Anyone who truly cares can get a B in school if they actually work hard. But Bungie, like that obstinate child, knows where their next meal is coming from. They are going through the motions because they know that, at the end of the day, they will be embraced and told that everything they do is fine. I am not so forgiving. This Beta is a travesty and Bungie should be ashamed of themselves.

Yay, my recently-replaced 360 just red-ringed on me. Shocking. Now I get to go through the drama I hear so much about of replacing the same console four or five times. I'm a bit beside myself with anger right now, excuse me. MS should be expending the Halo 3 Beta by an hour for every second I can't be playing it. Grr.

Odin Sphere (PS2) - I am going to be perfectly honest with you: I don't really understand Odin Sphere at all. It seems to be some mangled concoction of four or five different genres held together by an exquisite 2D, hand drawn art style. Will the game actually be fun? I have no idea, but I desperately want to play it. From what I understand, a simple man could describe the game as an action RPG. Your character does improve over time, leveling up by fighting a horde of enemies just like in every other RPG. But there is much more than that. The combat is real time and more reminiscent of Golden Axe than Final Fantasy. Also, instead of buying items in a store, you have to grow them... in the heat of battle. Can you see why I am so confused? On the right of the screen there might be a dwarf riding a llama, which you have to fight to the death. On the left is your garden, where you are trying to grow some Watermelon for the post-fight chili cook off. This is Final Fight meets Secret of Mana with a healthy dose of Harvest Moon and Yoshi's Island thrown in. How can I resist?

New York Times Crosswords (NDS) - Just because Odin Sphere sounds awesome doesn't mean it's all of a sudden November. Decent game releases are still few and far between, which is why I am writing about a crossword puzzle game. But it sounds amazing! Ok, that exclamation point was a little too much, but this is a perfect game for word sleuths on the go. Imagine riding the Bart (see how casually I drop in references to San Francisco?) and seeing the devilish clue, "Headgear." You would scratch your own head if such a mysterious clue appeared. You may look around your car, trying to glance at the heads of your fellow voyagers for the answer to this clue, while trying to appear as discreet as possible. Remember, people do not like being crossword puzzle guinea pigs. The lady across from you has a bonnet on her head, will that fit? Nope, it's only three letters long and begins with an H. If you squeeze H and A in one box you could fit hair. But you realize too late that the game does not allow cheating. Miraculously, as the train pulls into the station and mere seconds before this joke becomes painful, you jot down "Hat" with a yelp of triumph. That happy commuter could be you.