Saturday, January 21, 2006

24: The Game is a gift from God

Keep in mind I'm in a Flank 2 Position.

For those who don't watch the show, Flank 2 Position is the new buzz word for "we're in big, big trouble. Don't trust anything I told you before." How apropos that this great new catch phrase came to light (I'm in Flank 2 Position in the Situation Room!) mere days before I played through the "new" 24: The Game demo. I use quotes because I'm almost 100% sure this is the same demo I briefly played at E3. I have no idea why Sony decided to include an 8 month old demo of a game that was really bad to begin with, but I can only hope that this is not a real indication of what the finished product will play like. Maybe I shouldn't have sworn up and down that I will buy 24: TG regardless of the quality. I guess Sony of Europe took those words to heart, because this is the worst licensed game I've played since Bruce Willis lent his voice to Apocalypse. Just a complete disgrace any way you slice it.

First of all, the voice acting is a joke. Sure, they use the actual actors from the show, but while the sometimes over-the-top performances on TV are entertaining, they feel so random and out of place in the game it actually detracts even more from a sub par product. For instance, there are parts of the game where you have to interrogate some poor bastard. Really easy and pointless mini-game in which you watch an EKG reading to determine how severe your words should be. It sounds like they just locked Keifer in a tiny room and made him scream for a while, though. "Seriously guys, let me out, I'll give you money." This would be much more fun if you could use an included microphone to shout your own threats. "Come on, give me the code. I drive a Dodge Stratus!"

The rest of the game feels like a generic 3rd person adventure title with a really sexy plot. There are parts where you slink through a house, gunning down perps with little regard to the law. This felt more like Hogan's Alley than Max Payne. The enemies would literally walk slowly across the screen as you took pot shots at them. And the graphics are so poor - we're talking Jaguar attempts at 3D level here - they even look remarkably similar to the 2D cardboard cut outs from the ancient Zapper shooters. I do like being able to use a door as cover, but it's kind of pointless when you can stand in the middle of a room and simply avoid bullets because, well, what kind of game would it be if Jack died?

Sadly, the driving parts are actually worse. Loose steering is proudly on display as you'll watch your car veer all over the road with nary a tap of the analog stick. And I use the term "car" only because I know that, if I'm driving, I must be seated in a vehicle of some kind. Going back to the piss-poor graphics, the cars look like coffins on square wheels. I honestly cannot believe this is a PS2 title. I keep talking about how powerful the PS2 really is, and then uninspired crap like this comes out and makes me look like quite the fool.

After all this bashing, my mind has not been changed about the title. As a hardcore whore of the series, I will still buy this even if it sees no improvements in the next month. I know, it's sad that your noble reporter can be so easily sucked in to a licensed game, but they know full well that 24 is my one weakness. I'll have the decency to wait until it's cheap, but I need to play it anyway. If nothing else, at least I can laugh my way through it, right?

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Go ahead, read

Todd sent me a damn interesting article on exactly how the recent rare game reprints (Gitaroo Man, Rez, Disgaea, Persona 2, Rhapsody, etc.) have been coming about. Without reading the whole thing, turns out Gamequestdirect.com has been fronting the money, a hundred grand a game, to publishers to reprint them, and keeping half of the profits. Gamestop even bought a chunk of them to sell as used games in their stores. Collectors like myself are a bit displeased with it, but if more people are getting to experience the incredulity of Rez as a result, I can't really say it's a bad thing. Though I would rather see budget priced reprints, which would further the idea that they're for a new audience, not just for GQD to make money. Anyhow, thought that was interesting, and could seriously affect the collection aspect of gaming in the long run.

Not a whole lot else is new, it's obviously the slow season for the industry. Still crossing with animals, still swimming with the plankton, still slaughtering Strogg, still questing for eight dragons. Wow, that was really lame. I'm basically biding my time until Black, which just looks obscene. And not that I'll necessarily be getting it for sure, but Battlefield 2 on the 360 is looking mighty fine. PC purists can whine all they want about the inferiority of Modern Combat, but I just can't imagine firing a tank with a keyboard. Nay, I shant ever be doing that. And if you think I'm all about guns and EA (which I most certainly am not), I'll also be picking up Chibi-Robo, because I like feeding fishes and cleaning up after people. That's it for now; I'll probably lay some more lovin' down on DQ8 soon enough (I know you guys are dying to hear about new grain sack details).

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