G-pinions

I arrived home from NYC yesterday afternoon to find Wii on my bed. After very carefully setting up and caressing the system and it's various attachments/genitals, I booted it up. Despite having played quite a bit of Wii at E3 earlier this year, there was a very distinct pleasure navigating the system from the confines of my couch for the first time.

The main system menu is a pleasure to navigate, and using the Wiimote is intuitive, responsive, and thanks to some cleverly-implemented rumble, surprisingly visceral. Dan and I spent a solid hour making Miis of the six people who would be playing Wii Sports at one point or another yesterday; the Mii creator is a blast, and can be shockingly accurate in it's recreations of your friends/family/random celebrities. I'll post some real-life comparisons in my next Wii update.

The only online channel right now is the Virtual Console, with a dozen or so games ready to go right now. I'll probably grab Super Mario 64 when things are slower, and Super Mario World when it's up, but outside of those there really aren't any old-school games that I need to re-buy simply for the nicety of immediate access. Especially when, thus far, they don't even supply the luxury addition of online multiplayer, a standard set firmly on XBL. I understand that it wouldn't be quite the same without the entire friends list/matchmaking process that we're used to, but putting Bomberman on there with only local multiplayer is a damn cruel tease. As tragically mediocre as Small Arms is (added today to XBL Arcade), I would MUCH rather support indie development than tell Nintendo I'm willing to accept paying too much for untouched "classics". I am looking forward to Wii Porn though. Er, I mean the Opera web browser.

Wii Sports does a pretty solid job of introducing you to the system right out of the gate. Bowling, Tennis, Golf, Boxing and Baseball, in descending order of quality (says I), are immediately accessible, and if nothing else elegantly communicate that building a gaming console around the subtleties of human movement is an idea worth keeping an open mind about.

Zelda, unfortunately, does not define the system. I can't tell you after six hours and one dungeon whether it's a great game or not, but I can tell you that it's not worth buying the system for if it's your only point of interest and you already own a Gamecube. Sure, some of the more skillful motions like projectiles are obviously more gratifying when the aim is 100% manual, but I'm not even sure if the experience would suffer at all if played on the GC - the system it was obviously developed for. People raving about how great a launch game it is are missing the bigger picture - the only reason we have a game like this at launch is because Nintendo spent so much time on it during the last generation. That said, it should satisfy gamers and new mainstream Wii inductees equally, which is really all Nintendo seems to be caring about initially.

There's definitely a DS launch vibe at the moment, where the hardware is one step ahead of the software, but hopefully we'll see it come into it's own in about six months just as it's younger portable brother did. I'm very happy with my purchase right now, and I'm not trying to get down on it - I just have impossibly high, industry-changing hopes for the system, and it has a very long way to go.

Zelda: Twilight Princess is too good to play. I have been going through the early portions of this game as fast a snail would. Bear in mind, a snail could not properly wield a Wiimote. And yet, a slimy, shell-toting invertebrate could breeze to the first dungeon quicker than a two-limbed man such as myself. All I want to do now is play Zelda. I dream about it. I admire the shiny gold box sitting next to my miniscule white console. It is in my mind all the time. And yet, I force myself not to play it too much.

The game starts out fairly slow. You are a humble farmhand living in a small village. You are not a hero. You've never even left the village. One of your first tasks in the game is to round up a gaggle of stubborn goats. This turns out to be one of the most exciting, action-packed moments from the tutorial portion of this game. The first two hours of Zelda are spent in the village doing mundane tasks for your fellow villagers. Almost nothing of note happens. And yet, it feels perfect. Epic adventures don't start out with a boulder rolling towards a baby. You have to give the audience time to relate to the characters and show a world not yet overrun with horrible problems. And I am already emotionally invested.

I have never played Zelda games for their story before. In fact, I hardly remember what has happened in each of the adventures. Each game provides requisite filler, a silly excuse to plunder dungeons and fight poes in the dead of night, but they are just window dressing. Zelda is about adventuring. It is about exploring huge worlds, finding secrets for the sake of seeing all the game has to offer, and solving puzzles. The fact that your sister was stolen or the master sword needs to be held by the hero is irrelevant to the experience. And I was happy with that. Zelda skimped on the presentation because the gameplay has always been top notch. Video games are built on gameplay and Nintendo has always understood that killing an Octorok is more satisfying that watching a long-winded movie.

But Twilight Princess throws these conventions to the ground. The story is still used sparingly. You will not be overrun with twenty-minute cut scenes and fancy CG. But the story has a point this time. Instead of rushing to each dungeon because I can't wait to see what new item awaits, I have found myself walking slowly, talking to everyone I can, and taking in the entire world ahead of me. This is a mammoth game, every bit as fun as you would expect, but it has a depth to it I have never seen in a Zelda title before. I actually care about Link this time. I would gladly play this game, even if the gameplay was horrid, to find out the story behind Midna.

Because I am so emotionally invested, I find myself going slower than I normally would. This is more than exploring a new version of Hyrule. I'm only a few hours into the game, but Zelda: Twilight Princess already feels like a classic game. As I find out bits of the story and learn new gameplay mechanics, it feels as if I am experiencing the essence of what makes gaming great for the very first time. The whole game thus far has felt like the beginning of Mario 64. Remember just hanging outside the castle - climbing trees and swimming in the moat - for an hour before you officially began the adventure. There was no reason to rush because the simple act of existing in that world was so amazing. For Zelda, I find myself going at a snail's rate because I don't want to rush my first time through this game. I will only be able to experience the Forest Temple completely pure one time. Playing Twilight Princess feels like coming to the end of a fantastic first date. You know the woman is perfect for you. There is no reason to rush anything.

I hung out in a PlayStation 3 line last Thursday. I kept thinking about the upcoming system's launch. The PS3 costs $600 and the must have games aren't even coming out until next year. Why would anyone in their right mind wait outside, in the freezing cold, for a system that is currently vastly inferior to the X360? So I purchased a little "Reporter's Notebook" from Walgreen's and went to interview the poor saps waiting outside my local Best Buy. There are such lame people out here.

Because I am a master reporter I went to the front of the line. I wanted to talk to the most hardcore guy there. Unfortunately, Vernon Hill's law dictates that only softcore people can wait in line. The police department issued an artificially lame 24-hour limit to people willing to wait outside for a chance at a PS3. The front of the line had only been occupied for 12 hours when I arrived on the scene. I was thankful not to be engulfed with the smell of dirty geek, but I wanted little more insanity from my interviewee. Needless to say, I have no idea how to conduct an interview. After talking to the man in front for almost ten minutes, I finally found out that he was not actually a gamer at all. He plays games on PC sometimes but hasn't even played a console since the Super NES was the newest hot toy. My crest had fallen. I wanted to mock the people in line for their poor choice. I wanted to shove the fact that, while Resistance may be fun, they can get an X360 and Gears of War for cheaper without having to camp outside. I wanted to make people doubt this whole launch thing. Sadly, this guy was just in it for the money. Which made me even angrier. He couldn't name one launch title. He didn't care about the Wii because there was no money in selling that cheap and plentiful sucker. He knows what money tastes like and he knew the power of the PlayStation name.

I hate that scalpers were waiting outside for a PlayStation 3 while real video game fans, people who would love to play through Resistance and Genji, were left with nothing this weekend. Is that not the lamest thing in the world? At least the bottom has already fallen out on these eBay auctions. You could have sold your PS3 for more than $2,000 Friday morning, but with scalpers around the country trying to milk Americans from every cent they can, the demand has fallen sharply. Obviously, there are enough gamers in America to eat up 300,000 systems for $600. But there aren't nearly as many people willing to spend $2,000 on the same system. And the scalpers are finding out the hard way that the X360 and Wii are legit.

After I was done talking to this greedy shmuck who was technically the third person in line, I went looking for someone who was buying the system to play games on. I called out "Hey, is there anyone here who is not going to eBay this thing?" No one answered. I went up the line and asked people. They all said they wanted the money. Every single person had stupid dollar signs flashing in their eyes. After all the hard work and money Sony poured into the PlayStation 3, people thought it was their place to profit from it. How does that make sense at all? Greedy bastards.

Eventually, I found a group of high school kids, twenty people from the front of the line, who were actually excited about the prospect of a new video game system. Well, one kid was. The other five people he was with were planning on doing unmentionable things with their new system. Greedy bastards. But this one kid, Andrew K, was willing to talk about his unhealthy obsession with the PS3. This was my point after all, to find someone who was willing to sacrifice food and sleep to get this system at launch. I assumed a whole mess of gamers would be in line, but I would settle for one guy who liked playing video games more than rolling in singles. So why would someone wait outside in near freezing weather? Metal Gear Solid 4 and Motorstorm. Really? You're waiting in line for a game that isn't coming out until next November? You're waiting in line to buy a $600 console even though MGS4 may come out on the X360 as well? And Motorstorm? A dirt racing tech demo that isn't coming out until March? He knew he was going to buy the system at some point, Andrew said, so he was just going to jump on it right out of the gate. Games be damned, that system would be his.

How about Resistance? Andrew was going to get Resistance, but only because there wasn't anything else to buy. He didn't really care about the forty player online or the alternate history story. He just wanted something to play on his ultra expensive new toy. If push came to shove and eBay prices were soaring, he admitted that his PS3 would be shipped anywhere in the world if the price is right. These loyalists aren't even loyal.

I left after that. I could talk to 10,000 people and get the same two answers repeated over and over. Dirty scalpers were the main group purchasing the PS3. A few people were getting it because they were kind of curious about Resistance. If Sony is losing money on every system sold and no one is buying games...

Sadly, I have talked for far too long about the PS3 launch. There's no time left for me to talk about the Wii! I'll give you a few mercy sentences though. Zelda is great. Wii Sports is really fun. But I spent almost four hours yesterday playing Viva Pinata. Is Zelda overrated you ask? Is Wii Sports just a gimmick? Nope, they are both the real deal. But Viva Pinata is just so engrossing; I cannot pry myself away from it. I finally have a Fizzlebear in my garden with an Elephantilla lurking outside. I assumed my garden would be closed for the winter while I dove into Zelda. Shockingly, VP is good enough to distract me from what may be the greatest game of all time. Say what you want about MS blowing their early lead and only getting two games out this holiday. They have been able to hold the attention of a diehard Nintendo fan at the launch of a new system. After playing Viva Pinata and Zelda yesterday, I am actually more excited about the future of Rare than whatever is going to be on the Wii in the coming year. I did not think I would be saying that one day after the Wii released.