G-pinions

How could a person laugh uproariously throughout the supremely stupid The Brothers Solomon but somehow be insulted by John Woo's Stranglehold? Continuing on the theme of stupidity which will crop up throughout this review, my first sentence proposes a question I cannot answer. But the facts are right there in the open. Even the modern day love child of Dumb and Dumber and Dirty Work has more intelligence than Stranglehold. This is not an example of a game with a misguided focus or one in which the potential was not realized. This is the sad vision of a development team that simply does not understand how to make a worthwhile video game. It may have its fun moments, but it's not worth the loss of precious IQ points this game will surely extract.

Let me get this out there before angry John Woo zealots grab a pitchfork in each hand to forcibly silence me: Stranglehold is fun. But what kind of criticism is that? I have fun with almost every game I play. Stranglehold is a poor representation of a video game, but it resides in a genre that is inherently fun. You run, you shoot and people die. This has been a winning formula since the beginning of time. However, even in a genre as basic as this, Stranglehold still stands as the new low point for intelligence. Whereas some shooters provide an incentive for mindless killing - in the form of upgradeable weapons, different playable characters or bonus levels - Stranglehold's gameplay does not waver in the slightest. Shooting is fun, but when the same movements are repeated ad nauseam, it starts to hurt me more than the virtual victims in game.

Unfortunately, though you only have a few different moves at your disposal, you'll still find your character doing moves you never intended. This is because the controls are extremely strict. This game is built around slow motion jumping and sliding on pieces of the environment. It should be easy to string together combos - sliding down a railing then jumping off a wall and onto a pushcart - but it doesn't happen nearly that easily. When you approach an object you can interact with, it is highlighted. Without bullets whizzing by your head, it would be easy to position your character at the perfect angle before you begin your attack. In the heat of action, though, it's difficult to highlight the correct object when you need to. Instead of jumping onto a railing, you'll find yourself diving to the side. Or you'll jump into a wall instead of using it as cover. It's a janky, broken system that quickly gets frustrating.

This problem could be lessened by some creative level designs, but obviously the developers messed that up as well. The levels are all extremely linear. There is only one path through, which means the vast array of pushcarts and railings become merely ornamental. More annoying is how claustrophobic everything feels. It would be much easier to perform ridiculous combos if there weren't four or five different objects immediately in front of you at all times. Though the basic gameplay mechanic could be cool, fights generally devolve into slow motion jumping until your time meter runs out followed by a brief rest and then you jump right back in the action.

Even the few new moves you earn do not ultimately add much to the game. Two of the three abilities are quite lame. One gives you infinite ammo and near invincibility for a short while. Again, it's fun, but it doesn't play any different than the main game. The other lame power is a kind of nuclear bomb. It's not an actual bomb, that would be far too cool for this game, but a move that kills all the enemies on screen. Your character just spins and shoots until his enemies are vanquished. It sounds fun, but it's merely a non-interactive cut scene in the middle of a fight. If you think summons are boring in a Final Fantasy game, wait until your gun slinging action is interrupted by a trite cut scene.

The final move is actually my favorite element of the game. It's merely a slow motion sniper zoom that instantly kills your enemy. But it is really fun to use. You can aim at any point in the body and see a graphic representation of what would happen if a bullet were to enter that location. Sick, yes, but very satisfying. Granted, this move makes boss fights quick and easy, but it does a nice job of breaking up the monotony of slow motion jumping.

Stranglehold is a bad game. It seems like it should be the Tony Hawk of shooters. You receive a score for each kill, the game should compel you to keep trying to up that score by jumping off more walls and sliding on more pushcarts. But with clunky controls and no in game rewards, it makes little sense to improve your kill score. The sheer repetition of the action and unimaginative level design bring the game to a crashing halt. Even the cooler action scenes seem like soulless filling, delivering more empty calories without an ounce of substance. The story is even bad when compared to kung fu movies. Though the game is ultimately fun, there is no reason to recommend this over any other action title.