Friday, July 01, 2005

Electroplankton, or How I Love Musical Fishes

Electroplankton is really amazing. It's so easy to speak positively about too, I feel like I've been suckered into some sort of confused hype. It had a decent amount of time dedicated to it during Nintendo's press conference at E3, but I'm not sure anyone in the room, including myself, knew what to make of it. And I didn't want to go near it on the show floor, knowing sound was half or more of the experience. And you can't hear shit at E3.

I'm sure some of the media won't approve, because it's not a "game". There are no goals, no scores, nothing pushing you forward (artificially or not). You move and interact with several different amoeba-like water critters in different set pieces, all of which heavily incorporate music into the interactivity (I'm doing my best to explain this, so bear with me). One such example starts four lil' critters in the corner of a grid of arrows. At any time you can alter the direction of each arrow simply by tapping it, and the critter will follow it's direction when he gets there. So they all bounce around the screen following whatever paths you've created. You can also move all the arrows at once in one direction by using the D-Pad. Here's the kicker - each arrow, and each angle/direction from what I can, creates a different musical tone, so you can set up little loops of sound, create harmonies over them, and even do solos if you wish. It's all very simple, but it's so intuitive and so simple to make gorgeous and mesmerizing "songs". The visuals are again simplistic but beautiful; you can zoom in and out from whichever critter you'd like to follow, and man are those little dudes hella cute.

Not only is this a perfect demonstration of what the unique design of the DS can truly accomplish, it's a completely enthralling way to kill some time, as much so as any traditional game on the system. I'm sure the longevity leaves something to be desired, but judging it in that regard just feels wrong. As much as Nintendogs could potentially be HUGE for Nintendo in America, Electroplankton could start a serious cult following of musicians and A/V nerds (a group which comprises a fairly decent percentage of the market, I imagine).

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Bad day indeed

It's shocking how little effort was put into Conker beyond the (admittedly great) new graphics. The game typifies one of the worst gaming crimes imaginable - style over substance. The graphics are quite possibly the best this generation has to offer, but as far as platformers go it just might play the worst. And I've played Vexx, Whiplash, Haven, you name it.

The controls are simple enough, but the abhorrent camera makes some of the theoretically simplest jumping areas complete nightmares. And the new combat camera view is even worse; not that combat is easy or fun. The most basic enemy type requires a precisely timed three-hit combo to defeat - mess it up, and he'll take away a good chunk of your life, every time. There's fall damage, for almost any height higher than your body. Oh, and jump damage, if you hit the underneath of a ledge at the wrong angle. Getting down from anywhere you worked your way up to shouldn't be a frustrating crapshoot, it should be a matter of jumping down. A very simple area of the game that requires climbing up a hillside path while dodging rolling balls of poo took me a good fifteen lives - not because it required skill of any sort, but because all the problems I mentioned above combined to form an unplayable fifteen minutes of my life.

The thing about a game like the original Conker is that it isn't just antiquated, it's obsolete. It can still be a great or important game historically, but remaking it without a modicum of understanding or acknowledgment of platforming standards (Ratchet & Clank) just makes for a lousy game. Tom can and will argue that Rare created, defined and refined 3D platforming on the N64 - and I might even agree with him if I didn't love arguing with him and hate Banjo like none other. But they haven't led the pack in a good seven years, and apparently they don't have much interest in doing so again.

It's not that the game isn't fun, in it's own base, beautiful way. There's some humor and value to the ridiculously drawn-out cutscenes, and there is some top-notch presentation to be found. As a whole though, it's a relic, and it isn't really relevant in any respect nowadays - multiplayer included. I would have traded every individually crafted hair on Conker's body for even slightly more palatable controls and camera, and I hope Rare will see this in their games eventually. Here's hoping PDZ will have me raving half as much as I'm bitching now.

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