Friday, October 21, 2005
Blitz... The.... League...
Now I know what it must be like to own a PSP.
Blitz: The League has the worst load time of any game I have played in years. This is not a good thing. In fact, like Nick and his obsession with art design, load times are a thing that can single-handedly ruin a game for me. I'm not a particularly busy man, but I am impatient. When I have enough time to get up, hunt around my living room for the remote, sit back down and then flip through the channels a few times, all while the game is still checking the memory card and hasn't even begun to save, you know there is a pretty big issue. When I first started playing, which begins by creating a profile, I actually reset my PS2 mid-load because I just assumed it had frozen. Seriously guys, if you're going to release a football game six weeks into the season, at least optimize the load times so I can actually get on the football field.
Anyway, I suppose you're wondering if this is the Madden killer the world desperately needs. Unfortunately, it isn't even close. Heck, this isn't even as fun as Tecmo Bowl, and that game is as balanced as our new look Supreme Court. For some reason, I assumed Blitz would eschew the shallow, archaic formula it has been pushing for years in an attempt to truly compete with Madden. I have no idea why I assumed this, but seeing the game start up with only 8 players on the field caused me to whimper. Wouldn't it have been more fun to create a game that looked and played like the NFL, but with all the dirty things the league doesn't want you to know about? Blitz: The League plays just like previous Blitz games.
In fact, all that talk about how they were going to "take it to the NFL" with this brash sporting experience was just that - talk. Yes, you can "Juice" your players to make them stronger and cussing is prevalent, but nothing is actually shocking in this game. If they aren't worried about stepping on the NFL's toes anymore, why even call it "Juice?" Why not just call it "Steroids?" Seems like they decided to create an anything goes experience, but chickened out at the last minute. Aside from an X-Ray effect when injuries occur and the previously mentioned "Juice" there isn't anything in this game that Madden doesn't already do. It feels like some marketing guy tried to make an "Xtreme" title but forgot that we don't live in 1892.
If you want an idea of the in-your-face stuff Blitz throws at you, check out this dig: after a turnover the defensive player walks to the bench and says "Oh look, you had the ball and now we do. Ha!" Or how about the always hilarious offensive coordinator? "Where did I put my play sheet... hey, look at that hot girl!" These are some of the most PG lines I have ever heard. Did the developers really think a few cuss words thrown into fifth grade taunts would make gamers switch from Madden? Why not really go all out and make this game as filthy and offensive as possible? Even the fights are clean. Instead of ripping off a guy's helmet and smashing his face in with it, two teams merely lunge half-heartedly at each other for ten seconds. Weee....
The actual gameplay is just as bland as the M-rated material. This is the same Blitz we've been playing for years. In fact, this is actually slower than Blitz '00 on the Dreamcast. While the Bullet Time feature they added is fun, it makes the game quite cheap. I scored back to back 80+ yard touchdowns earlier today, in just my fifth game, simply by juking one or two players and running away from everyone else.
It's not a bad game, it just feels uninspired. Blitz has always been good for picking up and playing for a few minutes and, load times aside, B:TL is no different. However, I can't see people devoting 40 hours per week playing this like I did with NFL2K5. There just isn't that much to it. Hopefully, as I play more I'll find out the game isn't as tired as it seems, but I have my doubts. I just hope next year someone has the guts to actually go against EA for real.
Blitz: The League has the worst load time of any game I have played in years. This is not a good thing. In fact, like Nick and his obsession with art design, load times are a thing that can single-handedly ruin a game for me. I'm not a particularly busy man, but I am impatient. When I have enough time to get up, hunt around my living room for the remote, sit back down and then flip through the channels a few times, all while the game is still checking the memory card and hasn't even begun to save, you know there is a pretty big issue. When I first started playing, which begins by creating a profile, I actually reset my PS2 mid-load because I just assumed it had frozen. Seriously guys, if you're going to release a football game six weeks into the season, at least optimize the load times so I can actually get on the football field.
Anyway, I suppose you're wondering if this is the Madden killer the world desperately needs. Unfortunately, it isn't even close. Heck, this isn't even as fun as Tecmo Bowl, and that game is as balanced as our new look Supreme Court. For some reason, I assumed Blitz would eschew the shallow, archaic formula it has been pushing for years in an attempt to truly compete with Madden. I have no idea why I assumed this, but seeing the game start up with only 8 players on the field caused me to whimper. Wouldn't it have been more fun to create a game that looked and played like the NFL, but with all the dirty things the league doesn't want you to know about? Blitz: The League plays just like previous Blitz games.
In fact, all that talk about how they were going to "take it to the NFL" with this brash sporting experience was just that - talk. Yes, you can "Juice" your players to make them stronger and cussing is prevalent, but nothing is actually shocking in this game. If they aren't worried about stepping on the NFL's toes anymore, why even call it "Juice?" Why not just call it "Steroids?" Seems like they decided to create an anything goes experience, but chickened out at the last minute. Aside from an X-Ray effect when injuries occur and the previously mentioned "Juice" there isn't anything in this game that Madden doesn't already do. It feels like some marketing guy tried to make an "Xtreme" title but forgot that we don't live in 1892.
If you want an idea of the in-your-face stuff Blitz throws at you, check out this dig: after a turnover the defensive player walks to the bench and says "Oh look, you had the ball and now we do. Ha!" Or how about the always hilarious offensive coordinator? "Where did I put my play sheet... hey, look at that hot girl!" These are some of the most PG lines I have ever heard. Did the developers really think a few cuss words thrown into fifth grade taunts would make gamers switch from Madden? Why not really go all out and make this game as filthy and offensive as possible? Even the fights are clean. Instead of ripping off a guy's helmet and smashing his face in with it, two teams merely lunge half-heartedly at each other for ten seconds. Weee....
The actual gameplay is just as bland as the M-rated material. This is the same Blitz we've been playing for years. In fact, this is actually slower than Blitz '00 on the Dreamcast. While the Bullet Time feature they added is fun, it makes the game quite cheap. I scored back to back 80+ yard touchdowns earlier today, in just my fifth game, simply by juking one or two players and running away from everyone else.
It's not a bad game, it just feels uninspired. Blitz has always been good for picking up and playing for a few minutes and, load times aside, B:TL is no different. However, I can't see people devoting 40 hours per week playing this like I did with NFL2K5. There just isn't that much to it. Hopefully, as I play more I'll find out the game isn't as tired as it seems, but I have my doubts. I just hope next year someone has the guts to actually go against EA for real.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Stubbs The Zombie
So, the purchase and subsequent playing through of Stubbs was a bit anticlimactic. Tom and I finished it in one five-hour sitting yesterday, something we rarely, if ever do. With such an imaginative setting (a "futuristic" town from the 50's), hilarious writing and compelling gameplay, it could have easily been stretched a bit farther than it was.
I don't want to give the wrong impression though - however quick and ultimately forgettable the game may be, we had a fairly absolute blast with it. Gameplay consists almost entirely of wandering through various city and vegetative settings, fighting/possessing/recruiting various police forces and locals every step of the way. Stubbs moves with a fairly slow, purposeful gait, picking up a bit if you walk in one direction for more than a few feet. It works though - you're never too slow to accomplish what you want, while you never forget who you are and what type of game this is. You have one basic melee attack, a flailing of the arms, which helps to stun enemies into submission long enough to devour their brains. Once lobotomized (or simply beaten into submission), your foes will rise from their resting place, zombified and ready to follow you into combat. You can shove them around (or kick them, if they're just a torso), or whistle to them if they wander a bit too far away. I'm all for simplicity, but a few more zombie command options would have been nice - you never really amass an army like I had hoped for, but it's still pretty satisfying having a dozen undead buddies get your back.
A few other combat options exist, depending on the enemy. Some arms can be torn off (and held onto for future beatings), you can fart a small group of men into a daze, throw your guts and explode them anytime after they leave your hand, and bowl your head around, also to be exploded at your choosing. And then there's possession, probably the single most entertaining and useful tool available. After tearing off your hand, you can run around from it's point of view, scale any surface, and latch onto the head of almost anyone. Once latched, you can make full use of whatever weapon they have at their disposal, such as handguns, rifles, shoguns, bazookas, sniper rifles or mounted turrets. As long as your body stays safe while possessing, you can make it last a fairly long time. Lastly, as far as combat and locomotion go, there are five or so vehicles you will end up driving, ranging from fairly mundane (military transport jeep) to absurdly entertaining (hovering, sod-shooting farming vehicles with physics somewhere between a Ghost and a Warthog).
As you can probably imagine from what I've described above, the gameplay is simple and fun, but does get repetitive. Especially considering that the cooler levels and activities seem to go by the quickest. So what keeps you going, what kept the experience fresh enough to play all the way through in one go? Well, besides the fact that I was playing it co-op, the awesome sense of humor and hilarious little touches throughout. The voice samples never got old, and we kept hearing new ones right through the end of the game. Lines such as "Ah, zombies!" and "No, not my brains!" can be laugh-out-loud funny with the right intonation. The developers obviously had a great time with it too, as this favorite of ours would indicate: (when tearing off a man's arm) "Ah, my penis! I mean, arm!". I kid you not, these guys are genius, and the cutscenes are just as entertaining for the most part. One particularly memorable and hilarious gameplay diversion is a rhythm-based dance-off with the police chief, set to a soundtrack of indie rock bands covering 50's tunes (which needed to appear more often).
Other negatives, besides the length? Considering it's running on the Halo engine, there weren't enough situations taking advantage of the "ripe for comedy" physics (or Halo references, besides the main menu, for that matter). Level goals or exit points were also incredibly unclear at times (though we really only got stuck once), and I could have used a half dozen more enemy types and a few more bosses. Besides that, I had a great time with the game; it looks great, it plays well, and Alex Seropian was wise to found Wideload on the basis of comedy. I wouldn't mind a little more to do in their next game, but I'm already greatly anticipating it regardless.
I don't want to give the wrong impression though - however quick and ultimately forgettable the game may be, we had a fairly absolute blast with it. Gameplay consists almost entirely of wandering through various city and vegetative settings, fighting/possessing/recruiting various police forces and locals every step of the way. Stubbs moves with a fairly slow, purposeful gait, picking up a bit if you walk in one direction for more than a few feet. It works though - you're never too slow to accomplish what you want, while you never forget who you are and what type of game this is. You have one basic melee attack, a flailing of the arms, which helps to stun enemies into submission long enough to devour their brains. Once lobotomized (or simply beaten into submission), your foes will rise from their resting place, zombified and ready to follow you into combat. You can shove them around (or kick them, if they're just a torso), or whistle to them if they wander a bit too far away. I'm all for simplicity, but a few more zombie command options would have been nice - you never really amass an army like I had hoped for, but it's still pretty satisfying having a dozen undead buddies get your back.
A few other combat options exist, depending on the enemy. Some arms can be torn off (and held onto for future beatings), you can fart a small group of men into a daze, throw your guts and explode them anytime after they leave your hand, and bowl your head around, also to be exploded at your choosing. And then there's possession, probably the single most entertaining and useful tool available. After tearing off your hand, you can run around from it's point of view, scale any surface, and latch onto the head of almost anyone. Once latched, you can make full use of whatever weapon they have at their disposal, such as handguns, rifles, shoguns, bazookas, sniper rifles or mounted turrets. As long as your body stays safe while possessing, you can make it last a fairly long time. Lastly, as far as combat and locomotion go, there are five or so vehicles you will end up driving, ranging from fairly mundane (military transport jeep) to absurdly entertaining (hovering, sod-shooting farming vehicles with physics somewhere between a Ghost and a Warthog).
As you can probably imagine from what I've described above, the gameplay is simple and fun, but does get repetitive. Especially considering that the cooler levels and activities seem to go by the quickest. So what keeps you going, what kept the experience fresh enough to play all the way through in one go? Well, besides the fact that I was playing it co-op, the awesome sense of humor and hilarious little touches throughout. The voice samples never got old, and we kept hearing new ones right through the end of the game. Lines such as "Ah, zombies!" and "No, not my brains!" can be laugh-out-loud funny with the right intonation. The developers obviously had a great time with it too, as this favorite of ours would indicate: (when tearing off a man's arm) "Ah, my penis! I mean, arm!". I kid you not, these guys are genius, and the cutscenes are just as entertaining for the most part. One particularly memorable and hilarious gameplay diversion is a rhythm-based dance-off with the police chief, set to a soundtrack of indie rock bands covering 50's tunes (which needed to appear more often).
Other negatives, besides the length? Considering it's running on the Halo engine, there weren't enough situations taking advantage of the "ripe for comedy" physics (or Halo references, besides the main menu, for that matter). Level goals or exit points were also incredibly unclear at times (though we really only got stuck once), and I could have used a half dozen more enemy types and a few more bosses. Besides that, I had a great time with the game; it looks great, it plays well, and Alex Seropian was wise to found Wideload on the basis of comedy. I wouldn't mind a little more to do in their next game, but I'm already greatly anticipating it regardless.
Monday, October 17, 2005
The absurdity of it all
Do you have any idea how many matches of Halo 2 have been played thus far online? Well, I'll tell you - 324,362,454. Or 21,006 years worth, longer than human civilization. Bungie recently posted these and several other mind-blogging stats on their site, and I suggest you take a look. Not only does it make me feel quite a bit better about playing as often as I did, but single-handedly demonstrates just how widespread gaming has become. Overtaking the film industry is one thing, but logging exponentially more time than your own existence? This is intense.
Speaking of intense, Phoenix Wright is fantastic. Just like it's twice-removed second cousin Trauma Center, it balances tension and mental exercise to near perfect proportions. It's fantastically well-translated, and the characters are immediately likable. I guess it didn't even cross my mind before, but having a solid story as a backbone really helps games like this go beyond their mere action devices and turn into a truly rewarding experience. And that's exactly what I've been getting out of my DS recently - games with an immersion and sincerely far deeper than any previous portable system I've played; the technology to create emotions in the palms of your hands. It's a beautiful thing, and makes me really pleased that I went ahead with the system.
Tom and I spent some time with the recently promulgated L.A. Rush, courtesy of the eternally generous folks at Midway. I will say that it's a game with a very singular, fully-realized vision, but that means one of two things, probably both - it's appealing to a market that I have absolutely no relation to, and that said market doesn't require polished game design to feel justified with their purchases. The hip-market-researched-hop vibe permeates every facet of the presentation, but never sincerely or maturely. The humor, humanity and relative subtlety of San Andreas is sorely missed in such an "urban" game, and it can't be ignored. With that understood, it's not an entirely unrewarding experience. The game looks good, the driving mechanics feel unique (for better or worse), and barreling through the city scenery with the cops on your tail is good for a thrill or two.
As plenty of reviews have already mentioned, the key consistent annoyance is the unskippable crash scenes, every time you so much as bend your fender. A screen full of exploding black polygons is fun the first couple of times, but ruins the visceral fun of crashing when it also kills the flow of the races every thirteen seconds. In an age where your wrecks can be rewound in a split second if need be (Full Auto), why can't I have the option to not watch my crash unfold in agonizing slow motion? As I said though, I don't think that the target audience here is concerned with such trivialities - as long as the soundtrack is licensed and the rides can be pimped, polish falls by the wayside. If you're can't handle racing perfection and favor presentation as much as anything else, I have the perfect rental game for you.
I would write more, but I'd like to go to sleep so I can wake up sooner, go to work, see a free Doom screening, come home and play the hell out of Stubbs the Zombie, go to sleep, go to work again, then come home and play the hell out of Shadow of the Colossus. It's a good week.
Speaking of intense, Phoenix Wright is fantastic. Just like it's twice-removed second cousin Trauma Center, it balances tension and mental exercise to near perfect proportions. It's fantastically well-translated, and the characters are immediately likable. I guess it didn't even cross my mind before, but having a solid story as a backbone really helps games like this go beyond their mere action devices and turn into a truly rewarding experience. And that's exactly what I've been getting out of my DS recently - games with an immersion and sincerely far deeper than any previous portable system I've played; the technology to create emotions in the palms of your hands. It's a beautiful thing, and makes me really pleased that I went ahead with the system.
Tom and I spent some time with the recently promulgated L.A. Rush, courtesy of the eternally generous folks at Midway. I will say that it's a game with a very singular, fully-realized vision, but that means one of two things, probably both - it's appealing to a market that I have absolutely no relation to, and that said market doesn't require polished game design to feel justified with their purchases. The hip-market-researched-hop vibe permeates every facet of the presentation, but never sincerely or maturely. The humor, humanity and relative subtlety of San Andreas is sorely missed in such an "urban" game, and it can't be ignored. With that understood, it's not an entirely unrewarding experience. The game looks good, the driving mechanics feel unique (for better or worse), and barreling through the city scenery with the cops on your tail is good for a thrill or two.
As plenty of reviews have already mentioned, the key consistent annoyance is the unskippable crash scenes, every time you so much as bend your fender. A screen full of exploding black polygons is fun the first couple of times, but ruins the visceral fun of crashing when it also kills the flow of the races every thirteen seconds. In an age where your wrecks can be rewound in a split second if need be (Full Auto), why can't I have the option to not watch my crash unfold in agonizing slow motion? As I said though, I don't think that the target audience here is concerned with such trivialities - as long as the soundtrack is licensed and the rides can be pimped, polish falls by the wayside. If you're can't handle racing perfection and favor presentation as much as anything else, I have the perfect rental game for you.
I would write more, but I'd like to go to sleep so I can wake up sooner, go to work, see a free Doom screening, come home and play the hell out of Stubbs the Zombie, go to sleep, go to work again, then come home and play the hell out of Shadow of the Colossus. It's a good week.
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