G-pinions

Raise your hand if a sequel to Seaman is the thing you crave most in life. Ok, I can understand the few people who love the absolute power Seaman brings. But let me ask this: how many people would want the star of the original, a human/fish creature from parts unknown, unceremoniously taken away? How many want that cranky bastard to be replaced by a nearly naked caveman? Anyone? I imagine Sega conducted the same poll, got the same results (three people want a new Seaman, none of them like the idea of ordering a hairy caveman around) and then, as Sega seems to do, they decided to spend a lot of money developing a game no one will play. Oh Sega, what happened to you?

The original Seaman was actually pretty cool. Sadly, along with everything else on the Dreamcast, it has gotten kind of stale. Basically, you play god to this horrible little fish being. As the game begins, you have to go through the painstaking process of growing the little fishman from egg to maturity. It either takes two real life days or two real life weeks (I forget which) to get a fully functioning creature, which is one of the all time great butt pains in gaming. It's like playing B-17 Bomber on the Intellivision. You have to wait a good 20 minutes before you can actually start flying the plane. Don't we play games for instant gratification?



Anyway, after you have a living Seaman, you can mess with him until you get bored. Deprive him of food to make him cranky, swear at him with the attached microphone or just ignore him and make him rot in his isolated hell. It's a fun game to mess around with, but not deep enough to replace an actual pet. But at least the main character was cool. Who wants to order around a stupid Caveman? You will be in constant fear of accidentally seeing his unevolved wang. That's not entertainment.

This is just another baffling decision from Sega. Since it's coming out the on the PS2 (I think...) they'll at least sell a few hundred copies for the sheer novelty of playing this game. Sadly, only the reviewers will actually spend significant time with it. Oh, how I pity their bleak existence. I have no problem with Sega reviving older franchises, but it seems like they have a knack for very poor implementation. They either use the wrong main character (Shadow the Hedgehog), make it for the wrong platform (Panzer Dragoon Orta on the Xbox) or decide to make an unplayable spin-off (Virtua Quest). If you're going to make sequels to long forgotten games, Sega, don't include a friggin' naked caveman!