Thursday, January 18, 2007
My first Dragon Quest
I have almost nothing in my brand new apartment. No pans with which to cook. Not one picture of my dog trying to use the barbecue. Not even a television to watch. My internet access is limited to one hour a day in which I have to quickly read my email, apply for jobs, and find out how my depressing Pacers are doing. So how have I been spending my days? Playing my Nintendo DS, of course. Gamefly was kind enough to send Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime to my old home in Libertyville mere days before I moved, and I have been enjoying its companionship ever since. Is it a great game? No, not even close. If you want to get a taste of what my life is currently like, isolate yourself from all your possessions, remove the car you so rely on, and lock yourself in a room with this game. You may hate it at first. You may curse it for damning you to a hell you didn't deserve. But, as your only silicon companion, you will learn to love it like its Chrono Trigger's long lost cousin.
It is unfair for me to judge the entire Dragon Quest series based on one spin-off game which does not resemble the classic gameplay found in the eight main adventures in the slightest. Some people, from some far off place where even the likes of Oblivion are considered RPGs, may peg DQH:RS in the same category. But those people would be wrong. This plays more like a simplified Zelda than anything else. The combat is real time, the story is practically non-existent, and the main draw is collecting every last items and monster that populate the land. In other words, if you are trapped in a technology free world, you will relish the shockingly high level of collecting this game requires.
The story is very simple: the Plogs, an evil breed of Platypuses, are trying to destroy the peaceful kingdom of Slimeania. The names may not be accurate, but they are close enough, right? I mean, how many people have even played this game? So these evil duck-billed creatures have captured every Slime in the village, except for your hero and mine: Rocket. So you have to rescue them all, while learning the true motive of the evil Platypus boss. I could tell you the "twist" if you want. It won't ruin the experience at all. Like I said, the plot is almost completely absent. If you don't want to know the evil motives, just skip to the next paragraph. Here I go: Don Platypus wants to steal the precious Warrior's Flute from the Slimes in order to impress a fine, young celebrity. Clearly, the game doesn't take itself too seriously.
The above spoiler mentioned a magic flute, and that flute is what drives the most entertaining gameplay aspect of Rocket Slime. You, as the chosen hero, blow on the flute to call your Battle Tank! Weeee! Who doesn't love battle tanks? The game has about 30 one-on-one battles with evil tanks, in which you easily whack them into submission. It's actually really fun. You have two different cannons: one fires at an upward angle, the other straight ahead. There are various weapon dispersing pipes throughout the tank, where the items you have collecting throughout your adventure fall from some mysterious place. You grab as many as you can - three - and fire them at the enemy. If two items collide, they fall harmlessly to the ground. When their health reaches zero, you storm the tank. Either walk lamely across the ground or fire yourself into their base. Then you travel to the center of the tank and destroy their heart (literally) with one fatal blow. It may be easy, but it is really fun.
The rest of the game has you traveling through various worlds trying to round up the rest of the Slimevillian's. Every level has carts that deliver goods back to town. So, when you defeat an enemy or find a bomb, you can toss it on the cart and make god use of it later. As I already mentioned, the items are used in tank combat. The enemies can be used as assistants in battles. Collect 30 of the same species and you can command them in a tank battle. It adds a nice little element and provides so reason to collect as many enemies as you can.
Not surprisingly, the gameplay is really simple as well. You are a slime. You hop around the level because you have no legs. If you see an enemy or item, you hold down "A" and stretch yourself in the direction you wish to fling. Hit something important and it will pop into the air. If you catch it, you can toss it at another foe or on a nearby cart. You don't learn any new moves through the game, so the gameplay never evolves from the first stage. I still spent more than 20 hours playing it, though. I was clearly desperate.
Thankfully, the game doesn't take itself seriously. All the tanks you fight come equipped with a silly name and a pun description. Who doesn't like puns? Sadly, I only remember one, but it's the best in the game. The tank is called DQ Swords. The description: The Revolution is coming! Weeee!
Now that's comedy! DQ Swords is, of course, the upcoming DQ spin-off for the Wii. Come on, you know that's great. Well, you would if you had no TV or internet to occupy your time.
And so ends today's update. If you find a grammatical quirk or slight spelling error, please be kind. I do not have the ability to go online later and update the post. The library may seem kind, but they allow a mere one hour of internet time a day. Cavemen use the internet longer than that.
It is unfair for me to judge the entire Dragon Quest series based on one spin-off game which does not resemble the classic gameplay found in the eight main adventures in the slightest. Some people, from some far off place where even the likes of Oblivion are considered RPGs, may peg DQH:RS in the same category. But those people would be wrong. This plays more like a simplified Zelda than anything else. The combat is real time, the story is practically non-existent, and the main draw is collecting every last items and monster that populate the land. In other words, if you are trapped in a technology free world, you will relish the shockingly high level of collecting this game requires.
The story is very simple: the Plogs, an evil breed of Platypuses, are trying to destroy the peaceful kingdom of Slimeania. The names may not be accurate, but they are close enough, right? I mean, how many people have even played this game? So these evil duck-billed creatures have captured every Slime in the village, except for your hero and mine: Rocket. So you have to rescue them all, while learning the true motive of the evil Platypus boss. I could tell you the "twist" if you want. It won't ruin the experience at all. Like I said, the plot is almost completely absent. If you don't want to know the evil motives, just skip to the next paragraph. Here I go: Don Platypus wants to steal the precious Warrior's Flute from the Slimes in order to impress a fine, young celebrity. Clearly, the game doesn't take itself too seriously.
The above spoiler mentioned a magic flute, and that flute is what drives the most entertaining gameplay aspect of Rocket Slime. You, as the chosen hero, blow on the flute to call your Battle Tank! Weeee! Who doesn't love battle tanks? The game has about 30 one-on-one battles with evil tanks, in which you easily whack them into submission. It's actually really fun. You have two different cannons: one fires at an upward angle, the other straight ahead. There are various weapon dispersing pipes throughout the tank, where the items you have collecting throughout your adventure fall from some mysterious place. You grab as many as you can - three - and fire them at the enemy. If two items collide, they fall harmlessly to the ground. When their health reaches zero, you storm the tank. Either walk lamely across the ground or fire yourself into their base. Then you travel to the center of the tank and destroy their heart (literally) with one fatal blow. It may be easy, but it is really fun.
The rest of the game has you traveling through various worlds trying to round up the rest of the Slimevillian's. Every level has carts that deliver goods back to town. So, when you defeat an enemy or find a bomb, you can toss it on the cart and make god use of it later. As I already mentioned, the items are used in tank combat. The enemies can be used as assistants in battles. Collect 30 of the same species and you can command them in a tank battle. It adds a nice little element and provides so reason to collect as many enemies as you can.
Not surprisingly, the gameplay is really simple as well. You are a slime. You hop around the level because you have no legs. If you see an enemy or item, you hold down "A" and stretch yourself in the direction you wish to fling. Hit something important and it will pop into the air. If you catch it, you can toss it at another foe or on a nearby cart. You don't learn any new moves through the game, so the gameplay never evolves from the first stage. I still spent more than 20 hours playing it, though. I was clearly desperate.
Thankfully, the game doesn't take itself seriously. All the tanks you fight come equipped with a silly name and a pun description. Who doesn't like puns? Sadly, I only remember one, but it's the best in the game. The tank is called DQ Swords. The description: The Revolution is coming! Weeee!
Now that's comedy! DQ Swords is, of course, the upcoming DQ spin-off for the Wii. Come on, you know that's great. Well, you would if you had no TV or internet to occupy your time.
And so ends today's update. If you find a grammatical quirk or slight spelling error, please be kind. I do not have the ability to go online later and update the post. The library may seem kind, but they allow a mere one hour of internet time a day. Cavemen use the internet longer than that.
// posted by Tom @ 12:14 PM 
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]