G-pinions

As of today, I am officially broke. That's the bad news. Since I no longer have a job, though, I don't have to play through the entirety of role playing games while sitting on a toilet with no auditory consolation. With the reemergence of Unemployed Tom, Lunch with Tom has been buried in a dark coffin where old columns are left to rot. Unfortunately, there is no word I can use to describe the state I currently reside. No catchy column title will preface this or any of my posts in the near future. But the updates will continue, unnamed but undaunted. You may notice one major change in today's update, though. Usually, I would spend my Monday's pouring over upcoming releases. The whole concept seems antiquated to me now. Games don't even come out on Monday! What was I thinking? In their stead, I present haiku summations of the weekly Virtual Console releases. Honestly, today should be a day where I talk about the "new" content for all three consoles. Since Microsoft does not stick to a release date mere mortals such as myself can comprehend and Sony's schedule does not seem to be set in stone at this point, I will have to stick firmly to the Wii and its backlog of old hits for this week. On with the Haikus!

Should we call this game
Fat Guys on Skates Whomp Thin Men
Or just Ice Hockey?

In Gunstar Heroes
Shooting takes a backseat to
Tossing friends off cliffs

Is Alien Crush
Dating sim, baby squashing
Or TV Pinball?

Ahoy Doctor R
These Mean Beans, they hurt me so
Your Machine, she's evil