G-pinions

Trauma Center: Second Opinion is forcing me to relive the humiliation of being cut from the high school basketball team ten years ago. This may surprise readers of this site, but I used to dabble in athletics from time to time. I was never the most gifted player on the court, but I was good. I made up for my lack of pure talent by hustling, playing solid defense, and using the all mighty power of momentum to my advantage. But I'm short and slow, always have been, and simply could not compete with the world-class athletes from my high school. I walked away with my head down, vowing to never touch a ball again nor run more than ten feet at a time. And now, here comes Trauma Center, reusing the scenarios from the NDS version with pretty new graphics, and it makes me feel like an inadequate teenager.

I can't draw a star. I just physically cannot do it. I spent twenty minutes yesterday practicing. "Up, down, cross the middle... BAH! That one looks like a dwarf star. That's a red giant. That's a god-damned billy goat." None of them looked like the five point prince I was supposed to draw. I couldn't do it. My brain knew what needed to be done. My hand, usually a happy participant in all things gaming, just could not do the required motion. I switched to lefty at one point, hoping he could save me. Nope, not even close. So now Trauma Center sits in a cold mailbox, waiting to be sent back to sunny California, while I hang my head in shame.

This seems like as much an issue with Trauma Center as with the Wii itself. Are developers going to expect precision drawing? Am I going to have to perform complicated motions in the future? Is there a section in Zelda I won't be able to pass because I can't move the Wiimote in some arbitrary manner? How about Mario Galaxy or, god forbid, Mario Kart Wii? What if I have to fling the controller in a specific manner to use my Star Man? The Wii is all about mainstream bonding. It's about accessibility. Ease of use. All the crap Nintendo has been spouting and now I, an avid gamer, can't draw a god-damned star in a surgery simulator. Someone has failed here and it isn't just me.

The gestures have already become a problem. In Zelda, I have to lunge with the nunchuck to perform a shield bash. I am rarely able to mimic the motion demanded of me. I usually end up spinning around in a circle, flailing my sword like a dancing Muppet, while losing my healthy to an attacking enemy. Does Nintendo really expect me to learn multiple motions to progress through a game? I'm used to pushing buttons not conducting symphonies! This isn't a huge problem yet (except for Atlus, whose game I cannot adequately write about now), but it certainly could be. If this is the future of gaming as sales reports and mainstream news would have me believe, they better make sure their technology is solid and the games versatile enough to allow a sometimes spastic gamer to advance.