Saturday, May 06, 2006
What I want at E3
A Top Five list anyone can relate to. We'll do this in descending order as if it is actually building to something.
6. A rhythm game with dinosaurs - This would be a real revolution in gaming. We've been playing rhythm games for years and, though there is certainly not an abundance of dinosaur titles, we've seen a few of those as well. But they've never been combined. Until now. I picture a game with dancing dinosaurs wearing hats and singing lyrics to dirty 80s songs. "No one puts baby in a corner!" Maybe they can even wear shoes of the tap dance variety. I mean, sure, you'll know a dinosaur is dancing just by listening to the boom of his every step, but a boom followed by a pleasant tap would just make my ears do a dance of joy. Oh, and I want the dinosaur to teach me how to love too.
5. A Wii title that perfectly recreates a water park - My only worry about this is where the water would come from. I think we can all agree that's a rather small worry.
4. War of the Monsters Online - Also known as Massively Multiplayer War of the Monsters Online Staring Julia Dreyfus as King Kong, but I needed to shorten the title for the attention impaired. We all know Sony is readying this for launch. We all know it's going to have levels the size of ancient Persia. We all know the monsters will be stackable, mimicking the ultimate game of chicken that inhabits our dreams each night. What we don't know is how they will replicate the feeling of getting stepped on by a Rodan-looking bastard with just the lame ass rumble we've been used to. I think this will be the first game that can actually hospitalize people, but it will be well worth it.
3. Moving Walkways - No, this isn't a video game. The convention center is huge and I am quite lazy. As long as I'm wishing, maybe I should just go for a Delorean. What better way to show up to my appointment with EA than through Gull Wing doors? Realistically, I'm either driving a stainless steel car around this building or Nick is letting me sit on his shoulders.
2. Madden - You know those people who only buy Madden every year and maybe the occasional copy of Grand Theft Auto? Yeah, I don't either, but I think they exist. I tend to look down on them because, if you're only going to buy one franchise, there are better games out there. But what if EA took the initiative to make a version of Madden that really is good enough to be the entirety of a person's video game purchases for a year? How amazing would that be? Madden Wii is actually one of my most anticipated games of the show. I know EA has the talent to make great games. If they ever get the drive to do it, the industry could be even better than it is now.
1. Booth Babes - I'm only human. I enjoy the finer things in life, you know? There's word that Booth Babes will be banned from the proceedings, but I highly doubt that. Why would they take away the most consistently entertaining portion of the show? You have no idea how hilarious it is seeing hundreds of guys crowd around these nearly naked women. And when you are given the opportunity to play a game with them... well, let's just say that was my favorite moment from E3 2002. The damn controller wasn't even plugged in!
6. A rhythm game with dinosaurs - This would be a real revolution in gaming. We've been playing rhythm games for years and, though there is certainly not an abundance of dinosaur titles, we've seen a few of those as well. But they've never been combined. Until now. I picture a game with dancing dinosaurs wearing hats and singing lyrics to dirty 80s songs. "No one puts baby in a corner!" Maybe they can even wear shoes of the tap dance variety. I mean, sure, you'll know a dinosaur is dancing just by listening to the boom of his every step, but a boom followed by a pleasant tap would just make my ears do a dance of joy. Oh, and I want the dinosaur to teach me how to love too.
5. A Wii title that perfectly recreates a water park - My only worry about this is where the water would come from. I think we can all agree that's a rather small worry.
4. War of the Monsters Online - Also known as Massively Multiplayer War of the Monsters Online Staring Julia Dreyfus as King Kong, but I needed to shorten the title for the attention impaired. We all know Sony is readying this for launch. We all know it's going to have levels the size of ancient Persia. We all know the monsters will be stackable, mimicking the ultimate game of chicken that inhabits our dreams each night. What we don't know is how they will replicate the feeling of getting stepped on by a Rodan-looking bastard with just the lame ass rumble we've been used to. I think this will be the first game that can actually hospitalize people, but it will be well worth it.
3. Moving Walkways - No, this isn't a video game. The convention center is huge and I am quite lazy. As long as I'm wishing, maybe I should just go for a Delorean. What better way to show up to my appointment with EA than through Gull Wing doors? Realistically, I'm either driving a stainless steel car around this building or Nick is letting me sit on his shoulders.
2. Madden - You know those people who only buy Madden every year and maybe the occasional copy of Grand Theft Auto? Yeah, I don't either, but I think they exist. I tend to look down on them because, if you're only going to buy one franchise, there are better games out there. But what if EA took the initiative to make a version of Madden that really is good enough to be the entirety of a person's video game purchases for a year? How amazing would that be? Madden Wii is actually one of my most anticipated games of the show. I know EA has the talent to make great games. If they ever get the drive to do it, the industry could be even better than it is now.
1. Booth Babes - I'm only human. I enjoy the finer things in life, you know? There's word that Booth Babes will be banned from the proceedings, but I highly doubt that. Why would they take away the most consistently entertaining portion of the show? You have no idea how hilarious it is seeing hundreds of guys crowd around these nearly naked women. And when you are given the opportunity to play a game with them... well, let's just say that was my favorite moment from E3 2002. The damn controller wasn't even plugged in!
// posted by Tom @ 3:22 PM 
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]