Thursday, March 30, 2006
Droppers be damned
I realize this is old news but I really don't care. Consider this both a public service announcement and a warning. If you know someone who partakes in this most heinous of acts, feel free to remove one of their thumbs. If you are one of these despicable people, you have been warned.
I just played a few rounds of Mario Kart DS online. I love this game. It's objectively the best Mario Kart ever made. Even I, the snootiest of all Mario Kart-isseurs, think this is a worthy entry in the series. In fact, I do not have a single complaint about the gameplay. The problem runs deeper than mere programming code. It is a fundamental flaw that was brought to light by lesser beings masquerading as humans. Because of these ruddy dirt balls, the online is completely broken. Don't worry, this is not one man's crusade against snaking. As lame as drifting down a straightaway is, that is at least a legitimate gameplay technique. What is driving me mad with the rage of a caged hamster is all the sore losers who drop out. Stay away from high school if you must, but do not ruin my enjoyment of Mario Kart. Do not run with your poop encrusted tail between your chicken legs when a loss is in sight.
I felt like going a few rounds in Mario Kart while I waited for a muse to strike me. A round is only four races. It only takes a few minutes to complete the whole circuit. And yet, I am not here to gloat or even regale you with a tale of a wayward shell snatching victory from my wanting hands. I wasn't even lucky enough to meet my fate on the end of a Blue Shell. Only one race did four drivers actually line up and finish. Only one round was a victor declared. Only one time was I even able to race until the very end. You see, when a quitter drops and I have no one to race, it's as though the competition never even existed. What a joke. People who take games this serious should simply not be allowed to play them. What losers only play games to win anyway? Ugh! It's a sad day to be a gamer and a human.
Tetris DS may be out of my collection, but at least it had the decency to punish those who couldn't stack up.
I just played a few rounds of Mario Kart DS online. I love this game. It's objectively the best Mario Kart ever made. Even I, the snootiest of all Mario Kart-isseurs, think this is a worthy entry in the series. In fact, I do not have a single complaint about the gameplay. The problem runs deeper than mere programming code. It is a fundamental flaw that was brought to light by lesser beings masquerading as humans. Because of these ruddy dirt balls, the online is completely broken. Don't worry, this is not one man's crusade against snaking. As lame as drifting down a straightaway is, that is at least a legitimate gameplay technique. What is driving me mad with the rage of a caged hamster is all the sore losers who drop out. Stay away from high school if you must, but do not ruin my enjoyment of Mario Kart. Do not run with your poop encrusted tail between your chicken legs when a loss is in sight.
I felt like going a few rounds in Mario Kart while I waited for a muse to strike me. A round is only four races. It only takes a few minutes to complete the whole circuit. And yet, I am not here to gloat or even regale you with a tale of a wayward shell snatching victory from my wanting hands. I wasn't even lucky enough to meet my fate on the end of a Blue Shell. Only one race did four drivers actually line up and finish. Only one round was a victor declared. Only one time was I even able to race until the very end. You see, when a quitter drops and I have no one to race, it's as though the competition never even existed. What a joke. People who take games this serious should simply not be allowed to play them. What losers only play games to win anyway? Ugh! It's a sad day to be a gamer and a human.
Tetris DS may be out of my collection, but at least it had the decency to punish those who couldn't stack up.
// posted by Tom @ 9:01 PM 
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