Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Bad day indeed
It's shocking how little effort was put into Conker beyond the (admittedly great) new graphics. The game typifies one of the worst gaming crimes imaginable - style over substance. The graphics are quite possibly the best this generation has to offer, but as far as platformers go it just might play the worst. And I've played Vexx, Whiplash, Haven, you name it.
The controls are simple enough, but the abhorrent camera makes some of the theoretically simplest jumping areas complete nightmares. And the new combat camera view is even worse; not that combat is easy or fun. The most basic enemy type requires a precisely timed three-hit combo to defeat - mess it up, and he'll take away a good chunk of your life, every time. There's fall damage, for almost any height higher than your body. Oh, and jump damage, if you hit the underneath of a ledge at the wrong angle. Getting down from anywhere you worked your way up to shouldn't be a frustrating crapshoot, it should be a matter of jumping down. A very simple area of the game that requires climbing up a hillside path while dodging rolling balls of poo took me a good fifteen lives - not because it required skill of any sort, but because all the problems I mentioned above combined to form an unplayable fifteen minutes of my life.
The thing about a game like the original Conker is that it isn't just antiquated, it's obsolete. It can still be a great or important game historically, but remaking it without a modicum of understanding or acknowledgment of platforming standards (Ratchet & Clank) just makes for a lousy game. Tom can and will argue that Rare created, defined and refined 3D platforming on the N64 - and I might even agree with him if I didn't love arguing with him and hate Banjo like none other. But they haven't led the pack in a good seven years, and apparently they don't have much interest in doing so again.
It's not that the game isn't fun, in it's own base, beautiful way. There's some humor and value to the ridiculously drawn-out cutscenes, and there is some top-notch presentation to be found. As a whole though, it's a relic, and it isn't really relevant in any respect nowadays - multiplayer included. I would have traded every individually crafted hair on Conker's body for even slightly more palatable controls and camera, and I hope Rare will see this in their games eventually. Here's hoping PDZ will have me raving half as much as I'm bitching now.
The controls are simple enough, but the abhorrent camera makes some of the theoretically simplest jumping areas complete nightmares. And the new combat camera view is even worse; not that combat is easy or fun. The most basic enemy type requires a precisely timed three-hit combo to defeat - mess it up, and he'll take away a good chunk of your life, every time. There's fall damage, for almost any height higher than your body. Oh, and jump damage, if you hit the underneath of a ledge at the wrong angle. Getting down from anywhere you worked your way up to shouldn't be a frustrating crapshoot, it should be a matter of jumping down. A very simple area of the game that requires climbing up a hillside path while dodging rolling balls of poo took me a good fifteen lives - not because it required skill of any sort, but because all the problems I mentioned above combined to form an unplayable fifteen minutes of my life.
The thing about a game like the original Conker is that it isn't just antiquated, it's obsolete. It can still be a great or important game historically, but remaking it without a modicum of understanding or acknowledgment of platforming standards (Ratchet & Clank) just makes for a lousy game. Tom can and will argue that Rare created, defined and refined 3D platforming on the N64 - and I might even agree with him if I didn't love arguing with him and hate Banjo like none other. But they haven't led the pack in a good seven years, and apparently they don't have much interest in doing so again.
It's not that the game isn't fun, in it's own base, beautiful way. There's some humor and value to the ridiculously drawn-out cutscenes, and there is some top-notch presentation to be found. As a whole though, it's a relic, and it isn't really relevant in any respect nowadays - multiplayer included. I would have traded every individually crafted hair on Conker's body for even slightly more palatable controls and camera, and I hope Rare will see this in their games eventually. Here's hoping PDZ will have me raving half as much as I'm bitching now.
// posted by Nick @ 9:06 PM 
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