Tuesday, July 12, 2005
The year is 1981
As Tim's majestic keyboard concerto wafts through the apartment, I finally decide to end my forty-six day long sabbatical from my dear site. Notice how I used the word sabbatical to shield me from the hurtful barbs my extended leave of absence could have conjured from my readers had they been aware of the true reason for the lack of updates. For you see, I haven't taken the time to express my opinions on all that is gaming because I haven't been partaking in my favorite pastime since I returned from L.A. almost two months ago. Now that the truth has come out how do I plan to rehabilitate my love for gaming and with it bring forth the random opinions and nonsensical rantings I am known for? I honestly have no idea, but I have a sneaking suspicion Nintendo will be behind it.
Aside from a few trips down memory lane kicking my poor roommate's rump in Freeway and Maze Craze, I have pretty much stayed away from console gaming in any capacity. For those salivating for some glimpse into my console gaming habits allow me to chronicle the butt whooping I administered in these simple but oh so delicious classics. Freeway is like Frogger except not quite as good. Oh, and you control a dog or a goat instead of a frog. And the river that Frogger calls home has been replaced by a rancid inner city street. Other than that it's the same freaking game. Gotta love old school, eh? The ridiculously simple goal is to coax your animal friend across the street without getting hit by cars. Iwata would be proud of this game - you don't even need a single button to play. Though I more than doubled Tim's score every time we played (pretty much... I assume he'll jump in and defend his Atari 2600 honor) I had a shocking advantage: I received no punishment for getting run over. I don't know how the Atari works since I never owned one (I didn't say it was my memory lane, just a memory lane), but apparently the second player is allowed to do just about anything he chooses and the game will simply turn the other cheek. While Tim was banished to the depths of the near side of the street when an out-of-control car flattened his fur-lined tookus I merely shrugged off the ton of American made steel and continued unharmed to what I can only imagine is some sort of doggy nirvana-land. Why else would an animal risk life and limb to cross a street unless there was a darn good reason for needing to get to that other side? I feel a bad chicken joke coming on so I should just end this already too long paragraph before I burn myself out and require another sabbatical.
Maze Craze, the last game I feel like talking about today, is not nearly as memorable as Freeway. I really should have started with Maze Craze and made my way into Freeway. Save the best for last, you know? Go out on top. Leave the audience wanting more. What's done is done, however, so I better make this the best darn Maze Craze right up G-Pinions has ever seen. Maze Craze looks like the place mat for a small child at a cheap roadside restaurant. The graphics are merely lines, which connect to form a rudimentary maze, and four different colored balls - two black and two white. You may think your rods and cones fell out but, trust me, that is not the case. This is actually a black and white game. I guess color wasn't quite the rage it currently is back when Maze Craze came out. I could picture Donna Reed playing this bad boy after spending twelve hours in the kitchen. Anyway, you just have to get to the end of a maze before one of the two evil balls touches you. Once again, the game requires neither an A nor B button to enjoy and every game takes less than thirty seconds to complete. It's no surprise there was a huge outbreak of Attention Deficit Disorder in the early 90s with games like this around.
Now that I've resumed updating G-Pinions maybe I'll actually start playing some games again. I just bought Conker: Live and Reloaded last week but have only played about an hour of it so far. I'll give you my opinion after I dive into it a little bit more. I also have a Nintendo DS now and one whole game to talk about. I bet you can't wait for that write-up. See you again in forty-six days!
Aside from a few trips down memory lane kicking my poor roommate's rump in Freeway and Maze Craze, I have pretty much stayed away from console gaming in any capacity. For those salivating for some glimpse into my console gaming habits allow me to chronicle the butt whooping I administered in these simple but oh so delicious classics. Freeway is like Frogger except not quite as good. Oh, and you control a dog or a goat instead of a frog. And the river that Frogger calls home has been replaced by a rancid inner city street. Other than that it's the same freaking game. Gotta love old school, eh? The ridiculously simple goal is to coax your animal friend across the street without getting hit by cars. Iwata would be proud of this game - you don't even need a single button to play. Though I more than doubled Tim's score every time we played (pretty much... I assume he'll jump in and defend his Atari 2600 honor) I had a shocking advantage: I received no punishment for getting run over. I don't know how the Atari works since I never owned one (I didn't say it was my memory lane, just a memory lane), but apparently the second player is allowed to do just about anything he chooses and the game will simply turn the other cheek. While Tim was banished to the depths of the near side of the street when an out-of-control car flattened his fur-lined tookus I merely shrugged off the ton of American made steel and continued unharmed to what I can only imagine is some sort of doggy nirvana-land. Why else would an animal risk life and limb to cross a street unless there was a darn good reason for needing to get to that other side? I feel a bad chicken joke coming on so I should just end this already too long paragraph before I burn myself out and require another sabbatical.
Maze Craze, the last game I feel like talking about today, is not nearly as memorable as Freeway. I really should have started with Maze Craze and made my way into Freeway. Save the best for last, you know? Go out on top. Leave the audience wanting more. What's done is done, however, so I better make this the best darn Maze Craze right up G-Pinions has ever seen. Maze Craze looks like the place mat for a small child at a cheap roadside restaurant. The graphics are merely lines, which connect to form a rudimentary maze, and four different colored balls - two black and two white. You may think your rods and cones fell out but, trust me, that is not the case. This is actually a black and white game. I guess color wasn't quite the rage it currently is back when Maze Craze came out. I could picture Donna Reed playing this bad boy after spending twelve hours in the kitchen. Anyway, you just have to get to the end of a maze before one of the two evil balls touches you. Once again, the game requires neither an A nor B button to enjoy and every game takes less than thirty seconds to complete. It's no surprise there was a huge outbreak of Attention Deficit Disorder in the early 90s with games like this around.
Now that I've resumed updating G-Pinions maybe I'll actually start playing some games again. I just bought Conker: Live and Reloaded last week but have only played about an hour of it so far. I'll give you my opinion after I dive into it a little bit more. I also have a Nintendo DS now and one whole game to talk about. I bet you can't wait for that write-up. See you again in forty-six days!
// posted by Tom @ 4:25 PM 
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