G-pinions

Hundreds of people were lined up at the bottom of two slow moving escalators. A surly man in a necktie was at the bottom, checking IDs and ensuring that no one enters the video game funland before his watch strikes 10am. Finally, after crushing the hearts of anyone who came within a ten-foot radius of his uncaring, souless living carcass, he gave the signal and the throng of people made their way into their nirvana. Nick was stuck six people behind me on the way up. I looked back, snapped a photo, and didn't see him again for 90 minutes.



I sprinted like, um, a jack rabbit late for his son's bris, pushed and scrimped my way past the slow moving gazelle of the nonchalant, non-game playing party crashers variety, and finally, after what seemed like hours but was really less than a minute, I made my way into the Microsoft booth. Frantically, I looked left and right for what I assumed would be a huge display for Perfect Dark Zero. Nothing. I rushed over to a couple women, potentially booth babes but most likely ignorant PR reps, and asked if they had any knowledge of PDZ. They had none. Obviously. So I began my wild romp through their (MS, not the women) lower region. Nothing, nothing at all. I saw some Conker displays and a ton of games I wouldn't play even if they were free and I was spending 24 hours in a convention center, but no PDZ. Finally, I saw something that made me smile - a Kameo setup. Surely, this would be playable. I ran over and asked the polite man wearing an Xbox shirt if I could play this tasty game. No, he replied, and spat on my soul. I cried.

I walked around the rest of the floor, knowing I wouldn't see any Rare made X360 titles, and eventually let the continually growing mass of people carry me up a ramp. As I made my way up white screens slowly descended on my right, blocking my view of the rest of the show floor. I was trapped, like a lion in a cage full of raptors, but was so disheartened I could hardly muster the strength to care. When I got to the top of the ramp I slipped quickly by a man who looked far too tough to be hanging out at a game shows merely because he's a fan of gaming, and made my way towards the back of this crazy place towards the promisingly labeled "Conference Rooms."

Along a path populated by MS employees and what I can only assume are important journalists were a bunch of tiny rooms. In each of them was a small table, a few chairs, a tray of delicious foods, and an Xbox 360. I stopped briefly at each door, eyeing the new system and wishing I had the balls to nab one. Since I'm writing this now you can guess if I ever gathered the courage to try. When I made my way to the end of a long hallway I saw it - Perfect Dark Zero. People were playing PDZ. I stuck my hand in my pocket and pulled out my camera as quickly as possible. It was a multiplayer map of some sort, though there were no other characters on screen. I watched Joanna move smoothly along, walking like she hasn't been in my dreams for the last five years, and I cursed my camera for taking so long to turn on. Finally, it was ready. Just as I hit the button the shockingly cruel demon lords exited the game. Here is evidence of my failure. Note the lack of PDZ on the screen.



So close but so far. But now I knew that Perfect Dark Zero was here. I just had to find out how to play it. I made my way back down the hall. The rooms that were filled with the future now had a closed door with nary a window in sight. I had lost my chance. When I got to the end, my heart fading with each locked door, I had a brief glimmer of hope - someone messing around with the X360 in a slightly larger room to my right. I used my vast knowledge of stealth games to sneak right up to the door without being seen. There was a TV in front of me with a menu listing titles on it. At the top was Kameo, a game I desperately need but can't really get excited about, but underneath that was why I flew all the way from Chicago to attend this show: Perfect Dark Zero. I lost control of my feet as the man scrolled down to the game and paused. He had heard me enter the room. As he turned I straightened up and tried to act as professional as possible. But he was stubborn and ordered me out of the room with one catch - I could come back in 10 minutes if I wished to see a demo of the new hardware. I quickly agreed and exited the room, turning to see the door slam in my face one more time.

With my luck, though, I would not be treated to PDZ at all. Not in any form. The presentation I was privy to was a short walkthrough of Kameo and a detailing of the new features of the X360. Other than the brief glimpse I caught while sneaking a peak into various off limit rooms and its name listed on a TV, I had no more contact with PDZ the rest of the day. Even though IGN and Gamespot were treated to a multiplayer demo they claim was amazing, MS refuses to show off this potentially amazing game to the general public. This angers me immensely, but only makes my need for this game grow ever larger. Anything kept secret for this long must be the second coming of some sort.

Tomorrow, Nick and I will find a way to see this game. We must.

One more note and then I go to bed - I played about 25 games today and walked through most relevant booths. The best system I have seen thus far has been the Nintendo DS. My favorite games of the show, aside from the sublime We Love Katamari, are New Mario Bros (which may not be co-op after all, but a versus race to the end of the level), Mario and Luigi Superstar Saga 2 and Mario Kart DS. I know I was down on MKDS after seeing the first video, but after playing a few races I can assure you it lives up to the name Mario Kart. Just fantastic. And, if there is any question of my superiority in the franchise, the first time I played it was in a tournament. You can guess who came in first. Using the power of the internet this fall I will be able to prove my skills on a worldwide level.

Stay tuned for more E3 coverage, such as talk of actual games, in future columns most likely written by Nick.