G-pinions

You'll notice that it has been nine long days since last I updated G-Pinions. In the life of Normal Tom, there are maybe two or three solid hours a week where I don't have a strong opinion about whatever situation happens to present itself. In the life of Normal Tom, these scant hours of confusion are usually confined to my sleeping bed or a just as exhausting classroom, so as not to waste my more precious moments of existence posing questions instead of stating answers. Last week's Tom or A-Normal Tom could not form an opinion, especially a strong one for which he is known, on any matter related to gaming. The few posts I attempted to write - empty threats to Capcom about a mistranslated Japanese article concerning the new Viewtiful Joe and Francis Ford Copola's disgustion with the upcoming Godfather: The Game - lead one observer to muse "If your logic is any stickier I'll shoot you in the fucking head."

Well, the time for confusion is unfortunately still alive and well, so A-Normal Tom continues his rule of detachment. As strong as this site is with Nick's take on the various goings on in the gaming world, that is clearly only one half of what makes G-Pinions as sexy as its masthead claims. Without my very own geriatric ramblings, there's a chance readers will be able to drop anchor at these pristine shores without having to leave their own sanity at the door.

So what urge has drawn me back to the world I love? I'll tell you, there is no topic in the gaming world that gets my motor running quite like the horrible, crushing taste I feel after playing every new video game.

I came to this realization last week while having a conversation on the Penny-Arcade forums. I stress conversation because, nine times out of ten, any sort of communique that goes down in that environment takes the form of an argument. As I mentioned earlier, I was so dulled by the various topics of today's gaming I could hardly even muster the strength to type, but while new opinions eluded me I was able to recount my past memories quite well. In the topic about the new Viewtiful Joe title - in which conflicting reports from IGN suggesting it wouldn't appear on the Gamecube in any capacity - a fellow forumer and I began talking about where the VJ franchise could possibly go from here.

Both the best thing about Viewtiful Joe and the curse it will always carry with it is that, in only one seven hour title, it reached the full potential of the franchise. Offering a unique art style along with an innovated fighting system is just the icing on the cake. From there, Capcom created a perfectly balanced system of punishment and reward. They created a plethora of difficulty levels that will push any gamer, no matter how good or bad they are, to their furthest limits. They structured levels in such a way that there was always something to do, always some place to go. Pointless puzzles did not populate the landscape; rather they served as a springboard for coming to term with some of the more complex moves. Enemies, with various strengths and weaknesses, were introduces in such a way as to ensure you were able to completely master your newest technique before you acquired a new one. And the ultimate rewards - of being able to play as most of the game's bizarre villains and reach difficulty levels that inhabit small children's nightmare - was greater than any title I have played recently. For all the derivative crap I have had to wade through this generation, Viewtiful Joe is the beacon of light that makes me excited for upcoming games and rank gaming as my favorite hobby.

But, by offering such a perfect titles as the first entry in the series, Capcom has shot themselves in the foot. For you see, the only place Viewtiful Joe can go from here is down. If they merely repackage the original with new levels and enemies people will complain that it is too similar. Some of the appeal of the original was the sheer novelty of the experience - simply offering more of the same would be less fun. If they decide to change too much then they will destroy the perfect harmony balancing every aspect of VJ1. No one seemed to really enjoy the tag-team inclusion in Viewtiful Joe 2. Basically, Capcom should just cease making Viewtiful Joe titles before they run the franchise into the ground - as they have done with most of their franchises.

While the realization that VJ has already reached its peak was a crushing blow for me, it got even worse from there. After we talked about how Viewtiful Joe ultimately has no future, my mind immediately began searching for another title that shares VJ's path into gaming. After a minute of two - my mind was most likely trying to force me to avoid putting these two franchises together - I finally popped up with the ultimate example: Super Mario Kart. As much as a drool over the newest title in the series (Mario Kart GP, not Mario Kart DS which looks horrible) I know in my heart that no Mario Kart, ever, will be able to live up to the original. I would go so far as to say that it is impossible. Just like we will never see a replication of the Celtics dynasty from the 50s and 60s that won eight consecutive NBA titles, so too is Super Mario Kart always going to be the showcase of what kart racing should be.

I've actually known for quite some time that Super Mario Kart could never be topped. Even though I was only fifteen at the time and much less jaded than I am now, I knew within a week or two of playing Mario Kart 64 that something was seriously wrong with the franchise. It was as if Nintendo had never even played Super Mario Kart but had only been told of its gameplay by a hyperactive four year old. In a nutshell, they removed any semblance of skill and replaced it with a barrage of overpowered weapons and a rubber banding AI. It was only after I played Mario Kart: Super Circuit, the only other Mario Kart I would actually consider to be great, that I realized how desperate the situation actually was. Even going back to the roots of the franchise in many ways - such as the way power sliding is handled and the reintroduction of coins - the game just didn't feel right. The track design was relatively boring and the driving felt much looser than I would have liked. In what will certainly be the last 2D Mario Kart ever made, I realized that Nintendo simply did not even know why the first Super Mario Kart is considered a classic in the first place. And with that realization, I knew that Super Mario Kart would never be topped.

Once again, I bring up an old topic that I have been well aware of before G-Pinions even started. This horrible train of thought that IGN started last week with an inaccurate claim continued until gaming as a whole was almost destroyed for me, and still teeters on the very edge of my existence.

Thinking about how Nintendo has failed in their creation of the last three Mario Kart titles made me think about what made Super Mario Kart so great in the first place. It has been my All-Time Favorite Game for more than a decade now. If you consider all the events that have happened in gaming during that time - of the rise of Sony and Microsoft and the fall of Sega along with EA's decent into cartoonish super-villainy - it is even more shocking that Super Mario Kart has been able to hold strong through all that.

To get even more specific, Super Mario Kart reached its own peak in the summer of 1996. For three glorious months I played that game nearly every day with my best friend. He was the only person who has ever challenged me in Super Mario Kart, and because of our desire to win we pushed each other farther than I could ever have gone alone. But it was a friendly rivalry, one in which the loser could still laugh with joy because the journey was far more important than the destination. More importantly, even the most humbling of losses could be quickly overcome. Rematches were not only an option but the standard. We would race on our three favorite courses (Ghost House 1, Vanilla Lake 2 and Rainbow Road) until one person reached 99 wins. We would set rules in the battle modes to make it more difficult. For instance, no red shells would make the normally chaotic mode feel like a Normandy Invasion of quickly moving green shells. To give us an actual challenge in the GPs we would race with small characters. When that became too easy we would help the CPU even more - forbid the use of items, drive backwards for twenty seconds, and even try to race without power sliding. This was a rivalry in the same way Rocky and Apollo were rivals in Rocky III - we pushed to make each other better because nothing was more fun than simply competing in the first place.

That time is long gone however. As I play Super Mario Kart by myself, struggling to even lap fourth place now, I realized just how far my favorite game had fallen. It has been years since I have actually been challenged in that game and in that time my skills have dulled and my passion has burned away. But I still play it, I still read previews for every new game and pray every night that Perfect Dark Zero is as good as it should be, because I want more than anything to be able to replicate my experiences with Super Mario Kart. But I continue to go from one demeaning one night stand to another. Wasting my time trying to find something that will fill that horrible void in my life, only knowing that it simply isn't possible anymore. When a game like Knights of the Old Republic II can occupy my time, and it has just as many glaring problems as it does strengths, I realize just how far gaming has fallen.