Sunday, April 17, 2005
It's all good... except Godzilla
If it's before 9am on a Sunday and I am not only fully awake, with a bowl of half-eaten cereal sitting mushily in front of me, but have been awake for such a long time that I have grown tired enough with every other venture to actually update my precious website, you know things are either going really well or really poorly. I'll let you decipher my mood for yourself, but I'm pretty sure you can guess based solely on this fact: the discovery of Samurai Zombie Nation on the NES doesn't even crack the top five in awesome events that have happened to me in the last 48 hours. Though you know things are going your way when you are challenged to a Lord of the Rings themed game of Trivial Pursuit by a master in that field and still come out on top.
First things first: I am still playing Knights of the Old Republic 2. For those keeping track, I first fired up the Jedi RPG around March 10. That is quite a lot of time to be playing one game almost exclusively (at least during my one player gaming sessions), but considering that Dawn of Souls hasn't left my GBA:SP since December I think you can cut me some slack. I am finally on the last world (I think... I can't imagine where the story could possibly go from here) so expect a full, in-depth review at some point in the near future. I do have one thing I want to talk about though, and this is very important to me so please stay focused - the inclusion of lame characters in RPGs. Everyone who has played an RPG understands the pain I feel. Sure, you would expect a few horrible characters in the massive selection available in Chrono Cross or Suikoden, but, for some reason, no matter how small your party is, developers always have to throw in one or two completely useless and/or ultra annoying characters. As good as the KotOR series has been it is probably the biggest culprit of this heinous crime.
Because of the eclectic nature of the Star Wars universe, there is a certain push towards creating a cast of outlandish characters. If George Lucas couldn't make a simple group consisting entirely of humans, you can't expect the vastly more talented video game developers to rest of their laurels and only offer humans. So mixed in with creatures who are both pleasing to the eye and can speak English (i.e. humans) are your usual mix of intergalactic heroes. You have your droids and your bots (yes these are different things) with some gross looking aliens and even a damn Wookie or two. Variety is the spice of life, I'll give you that, but who is really going to choose a floating sphere over a Jedi? Anyone?
The two RPGs are saved because, for most of the journey, you are able to select your own party. After only having one other Jedi in my party for much of the original KotOR, I like not only having two fully functional Jedi doing the bidding of their all powerful Sith Lord (me) at all times, but actually having another Jedi waiting in the wings if I want some variety (which I don't). However, as good as this system works for most of the game, there is a horrible one-hour stretch where you are not only unable to choose who accompanies you on your quest for vengeance, but the very character you are controlling is predetermined. This wouldn't be a problem if they stuck me with Atton, a bad ass Jedi who is actually more evil than even I am at this point (which is a serious point of contention between us) or even if I just got to play as Keria, the all-knowing but never-revealing haggard old lady Jedi. As this is a role playing game, I thoroughly enjoy playing the role of an evil Sith Lord. By forcing me to step into the body of a completely different character it kind of ruins the whole mystique of the role playing experience. Granted, I would still complain if one of the two aforementioned scenarios presented itself; but I wouldn't be quite annoyed enough to center a whole post around it.
Do you want to know what characters I had to control? A Wookie and a droid. And not even the team-up of two of the worst RPG characters around. These were solo missions. The worst part was there wasn't even a Wookie in my party before that. I was all set to celebrate that I had gone through an entire Star Wars adventure without being burdened with a vocally challenged space sloth before they forced one into my party. Even worse, the Wookie in this game is completely useless unless you use his focus move. It makes you stronger of both arm and flesh, so you can dispatch enemies with ease while taking little damage of you own. Just to annoy the player (namely me), Obsidian decided to make the screen turn a nauseating shade of red when you are in focus mode. Why would they force you to perform a certain technique and then make your screen turn red in the process? Who could have possibly thought this was a good idea?
The droid mission was thankfully much shorter than the immediately preceding Wookie one and that is its only saving grace. Like the Wookie, the droid (you'll notice I keep calling them by their class type. You know you're dealing with lame characters when you have no clue what their name is) can't actually talk, but that didn't stop Obsidian from sticking in dialog boxes. I'm not joking here either. You were forced to walk to a bot, listen to them whine like all the bots in the Star Wars universe are wont to do, and then select "Eek orp op ah ah" from the dialog selection box, which would prompt further wining. Let me recap - I was forced into a conversation where I neither had a choice of what to say nor an idea of what I was responding with. Fun? No.
Somehow, this mini rant about the lame character selection in KotOR has stretched to over 900 words. For that, I apologize. I will talk only of the immortal Samurai Zombie Nation and then, like Doug (State reference!), I am outta here.
Friday night, after Nick forced us to play Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee followed by Will bringing back the thankfully dead Turok series with a rousing game of Turok 2, we finally settled down into watching Nick explore the variety of weirdness located on my Nester Illegal NES Roms Disc for the Dreamcast. Andy and I played through the entire disc when we first made it, documented various Worst Games Ever along the way and making sure every game was in working order. Obviously, we did a very bad job at this. That Dudes With Attitudes beat out Where's Waldo as the Worst Game Ever is an upset of Russian proportions. Not to mention that Bible Buffet still doesn't work. Anyway, we might not have even played every game because Nick happened upon a particularly juicy title located at the very end of my selection of stolen titles.
Samurai Zombie Nation
Believe me, the laughs started flowing before Nick could even fire up the game. What could it possible be? More importantly, was there anyway to mess this up? It would be like someone making a first person shooter with dinosaurs and it somehow turning into an unplayable nightmare. It just doesn't happen, right? Finally, after multiple seconds of load time, we were treated with the game that has now bumped Blast Corps from the top spot of my Most in Need of a Sequel list. This is a 2D, side scrolling shooter where, instead of controlling a space ship, you control the disembodied head of a Zombie Samurai. You weapon of choice: fireballs which flow gracefully from your open mouth. I don't think I have laughed this hard about a title in quite some time. Watching this floating head terrorize a city - destroying buildings and tanks with a smile on his face - was one of the best moments in the history of gaming. You can be sure if Meldac of America has a presence at E3 I will demand a sequel.
A little post script to my post: Please read the website I linked to about Samurai Zombie Nation. It is fantastic. Who knew this game had such a huge following?
First things first: I am still playing Knights of the Old Republic 2. For those keeping track, I first fired up the Jedi RPG around March 10. That is quite a lot of time to be playing one game almost exclusively (at least during my one player gaming sessions), but considering that Dawn of Souls hasn't left my GBA:SP since December I think you can cut me some slack. I am finally on the last world (I think... I can't imagine where the story could possibly go from here) so expect a full, in-depth review at some point in the near future. I do have one thing I want to talk about though, and this is very important to me so please stay focused - the inclusion of lame characters in RPGs. Everyone who has played an RPG understands the pain I feel. Sure, you would expect a few horrible characters in the massive selection available in Chrono Cross or Suikoden, but, for some reason, no matter how small your party is, developers always have to throw in one or two completely useless and/or ultra annoying characters. As good as the KotOR series has been it is probably the biggest culprit of this heinous crime.
Because of the eclectic nature of the Star Wars universe, there is a certain push towards creating a cast of outlandish characters. If George Lucas couldn't make a simple group consisting entirely of humans, you can't expect the vastly more talented video game developers to rest of their laurels and only offer humans. So mixed in with creatures who are both pleasing to the eye and can speak English (i.e. humans) are your usual mix of intergalactic heroes. You have your droids and your bots (yes these are different things) with some gross looking aliens and even a damn Wookie or two. Variety is the spice of life, I'll give you that, but who is really going to choose a floating sphere over a Jedi? Anyone?
The two RPGs are saved because, for most of the journey, you are able to select your own party. After only having one other Jedi in my party for much of the original KotOR, I like not only having two fully functional Jedi doing the bidding of their all powerful Sith Lord (me) at all times, but actually having another Jedi waiting in the wings if I want some variety (which I don't). However, as good as this system works for most of the game, there is a horrible one-hour stretch where you are not only unable to choose who accompanies you on your quest for vengeance, but the very character you are controlling is predetermined. This wouldn't be a problem if they stuck me with Atton, a bad ass Jedi who is actually more evil than even I am at this point (which is a serious point of contention between us) or even if I just got to play as Keria, the all-knowing but never-revealing haggard old lady Jedi. As this is a role playing game, I thoroughly enjoy playing the role of an evil Sith Lord. By forcing me to step into the body of a completely different character it kind of ruins the whole mystique of the role playing experience. Granted, I would still complain if one of the two aforementioned scenarios presented itself; but I wouldn't be quite annoyed enough to center a whole post around it.
Do you want to know what characters I had to control? A Wookie and a droid. And not even the team-up of two of the worst RPG characters around. These were solo missions. The worst part was there wasn't even a Wookie in my party before that. I was all set to celebrate that I had gone through an entire Star Wars adventure without being burdened with a vocally challenged space sloth before they forced one into my party. Even worse, the Wookie in this game is completely useless unless you use his focus move. It makes you stronger of both arm and flesh, so you can dispatch enemies with ease while taking little damage of you own. Just to annoy the player (namely me), Obsidian decided to make the screen turn a nauseating shade of red when you are in focus mode. Why would they force you to perform a certain technique and then make your screen turn red in the process? Who could have possibly thought this was a good idea?
The droid mission was thankfully much shorter than the immediately preceding Wookie one and that is its only saving grace. Like the Wookie, the droid (you'll notice I keep calling them by their class type. You know you're dealing with lame characters when you have no clue what their name is) can't actually talk, but that didn't stop Obsidian from sticking in dialog boxes. I'm not joking here either. You were forced to walk to a bot, listen to them whine like all the bots in the Star Wars universe are wont to do, and then select "Eek orp op ah ah" from the dialog selection box, which would prompt further wining. Let me recap - I was forced into a conversation where I neither had a choice of what to say nor an idea of what I was responding with. Fun? No.
Somehow, this mini rant about the lame character selection in KotOR has stretched to over 900 words. For that, I apologize. I will talk only of the immortal Samurai Zombie Nation and then, like Doug (State reference!), I am outta here.
Friday night, after Nick forced us to play Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee followed by Will bringing back the thankfully dead Turok series with a rousing game of Turok 2, we finally settled down into watching Nick explore the variety of weirdness located on my Nester Illegal NES Roms Disc for the Dreamcast. Andy and I played through the entire disc when we first made it, documented various Worst Games Ever along the way and making sure every game was in working order. Obviously, we did a very bad job at this. That Dudes With Attitudes beat out Where's Waldo as the Worst Game Ever is an upset of Russian proportions. Not to mention that Bible Buffet still doesn't work. Anyway, we might not have even played every game because Nick happened upon a particularly juicy title located at the very end of my selection of stolen titles.
Samurai Zombie Nation
Believe me, the laughs started flowing before Nick could even fire up the game. What could it possible be? More importantly, was there anyway to mess this up? It would be like someone making a first person shooter with dinosaurs and it somehow turning into an unplayable nightmare. It just doesn't happen, right? Finally, after multiple seconds of load time, we were treated with the game that has now bumped Blast Corps from the top spot of my Most in Need of a Sequel list. This is a 2D, side scrolling shooter where, instead of controlling a space ship, you control the disembodied head of a Zombie Samurai. You weapon of choice: fireballs which flow gracefully from your open mouth. I don't think I have laughed this hard about a title in quite some time. Watching this floating head terrorize a city - destroying buildings and tanks with a smile on his face - was one of the best moments in the history of gaming. You can be sure if Meldac of America has a presence at E3 I will demand a sequel.
A little post script to my post: Please read the website I linked to about Samurai Zombie Nation. It is fantastic. Who knew this game had such a huge following?
// posted by Tom @ 6:37 AM 
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]