G-pinions

When the time came to buy Alien Hominid I had a very important decision to make: did I want a watered down version of the game that offered support for only two people? Or was I going to take the sane stance and pick up the real version; the one that allowed up to four platform-loving, stick-figure-controlling fiends to take part in the festivities? Obviously, I bought the Gamecube version. What's great with two players can only get better with four... unless it's Norrath, which is as unplaybably bad as Crystal Chronicles with more than two people. Anyway, at the time I was quite pleased with my purchase. It was a cheap game, offered more entertainment than all but a handful of 2004's many releases, and was one of the few four player co-op games in my library. Of course, there's always room for improvement.

As has been known for quite some time, the fine folks at O2 Software were finally getting around to porting this sugar coated gem to the Xbox. I just assumed it was going to be a belated port with no extra bells or whistles. I have no idea why I thought that. I probably just didn't want to have envious eyes for a game I wasn't going to ever own. It has finally come to light just what will be different in the Xbox version, and I have to admit it sounds rather tasty. Not as tasty as a Russian's head, but still more likely to cause a finger lick or two than a yellow snowball.



According to everyone's favorite obscure website that really knows its games, eToychest, the new Alien Hominid X (I came up with the name. Do you like it?) will feature new modes! There's a new 2-4 player mode called "All You Can Eat" starring the Fat Kid. This doesn't sound too great, since it's just button mashing, but it is something I can't enjoy in my version. Also, borrowing slightly from Viewtiful Joe 2 and NFL2K5 (yes, both of those games) there is a new Replay Mode. This sounds rather fantastic. As the name implies, you can zip backwards to any point in a level and, well, replay it. That means you can play the part where you suck FBI agents up with your UFO beam and drop them in the wood cutter over and over again. Yay!

But there's even more than that. The game fully supports Xbox Live. Think those lazy bastards at Polyphony are embarrassed now? Most exciting for someone like me, you can download new PDA levels. I'm not sure if the developers are going to slap together some new ones or if you can actually download player created ones, but I'm holding out for both. Man, how cool would that be? It could be like the GBA port of Chu Chu Rocket. There were over 2500 puzzles in that game. Shockingly, I never finished them all. I think half of them were impossible, but Sega never acknowledged my strongly worded email.



For those who like to, you know, actually play games online, Alien Hominid has you covered there as well. It hasn't been confirmed either way, but I assume the online component is just for the main game. While that does sound really fun, it would be even cooler to play the PDA Mode with four complete strangers. If you think it's hard trying to persuade your friend to bring the boat back to you, think about how difficult it will be to convince some exiled ten year old prince who always gets his way? And his way involves you dying in every manner possible. Regardless of how the online mode is actually implemented, that a developer so new to the world of console gaming is able to include it at all is exceedingly awesome. Those child eating hooligans at Bottlerocket Entertainment should think long and hard about their future as video game developers.

For all the good news this column is gushing out, there has to be some bad news as well, right? Unfortunately, there is - as of right now, Alien Hominid X isn't even coming to America. For some reason, the publisher deemed those walrus eating bastards in Finland are more worthy of such a fine game than the all too needy North American audience. eToy has assured me that urgent word has been sent to the publisher that Americans would love to feed the fat kid, but they have not yet responded. When etoy finds out if this will come to America I'll let you guys know. Until then... stare longingly at your GC version of the Hominid and wish you were downloading a new PDA level that spells out POOP with the trees.