Friday, June 25, 2004
I typed this with the powers of my mind
Everyone loves lists! So now that I’ve finished Psi Ops I will treat you to a list of the 7 best and worst aspects of the game. I hope you appreciate you how lucky you are. You get two columns about Psi Ops from me, and Nick hasn’t even started the game yet. So, without further ado:
Top 7 Things I like:
1. Surfing Crates – This is just a blast and really should have been implemented more. For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, I’ll explain. Every level is littered with crates and boulders and other objects primarily used to hurl at enemies. That’s fun, no question about that, but even more fun than throwing them is climbing aboard and riding them. Using the power of telekinesis, you can literally fly around a level on these bad boys. Over rough terrain, up hills and, if you play your cards right, you can kill evil enemies by ramming into them. Simply a blast.
2. Boss Battles – These are kind of a mixed bag, but the good boss battles were really fun to play. Most of them just consisted of dodging your opponent’s attacks while throwing objects from around the room at them. Doesn’t sound too exciting, but it was really fun. One boss throws trains and huge cars at you, which are surprisingly easy to dodge. He can’t be hurt by bullets but some reason he is vulnerable to small crates being thrown gently at him. Good times.
3. Mind Control – I really liked being able to control opponents with my mind. Since fighting with a gun is so weak in this game, I would usually just possess their bodies and promptly force them to commit suicide. Nothing quite like making a guy jump off a cliff or forcing him to jump into a furnace.
4. Ragdoll Physics – To answer Brendan’s question about Chronicles of Riddick, there is no way that game had ragdoll physics. I didn’t realize how cool a realistic enemy body could be in a game. The way their body flops and twitches after you slam them into a wall is hilarious. Plus, with such great animation, it gives you something to play around with when all the enemies in an area are dead. It makes me pine for a two player mode so players can joust using dead bodies. I guess I’ll have to wait for the sequel for that.
5. Gnomes – Anyone who was hardcore into Perfect Dark probably remembers the hidden cheese in each level. You didn’t get anything if you found them, but it was fun to scour levels trying to find where Rare hid the cheese. This game has a similar thing with gnomes. They are hidden throughout each level and are actually quite hard to find. I only found about 4 during my first play through, and I know there are a lot more than that. They do give you bonuses, like extra missions or something, which is even cooler. Gotta love the gnomes.
6. Flaming Guys – When I first got the ability to light guys on fire with the power of my mind, I was actually disappointed. It’s not nearly as much fun as throwing a guy around a room or off a cliff so I never used it. Then I decided to combine the throwing with the flaming and, presto, video game magic. My favorite strategy now is to light the first guy in a room on fire, and then throw his flaming corpse at everyone else in the room. Hilarity ensues.
7. TK Items – I play games for the ability to do stuff I couldn’t normally do in real life. I guess that’s why I love this little feature so much. If there is a health pack or gun way on the other side of the room you can just throw it to yourself with your mind. Heck, even if it’s only a foot away, or you’d have to jump to reach it, you can just bring it to you. Surprisingly fun to do. I just need to perfect this in real life.
Things I do not like:
1. Aura Vision – This is the last ability you earn in the game and, from that moment on, the game takes a downward plunge into crapulence. By hitting right on the D pad you gain aura vision, which lets you see hidden cracks in walls and enemies. This is so frustrating. The hidden enemies are these floating hell beasts that, if you get too close, swarm you and will eventually kill you. Considering that most of the game involves messing up enemies in really cool ways, the developers really ruined the flow by making you sneak around these horribly cheap enemies, sucking the fun from the game. Later, the hell beasts are replaced by floating mines. So no longer can you run into a room and mess stuff up, you have to sneak everywhere you go for fear of accidentally hitting a mine. Boring!
2. Enemies You Can’t Mind Control – Most of the game there is only one type of enemy – a normal soldier. You can pick them up with your mind or control them. This is fun. Later in the game you fight new soldiers with Magneto like mind resistant helmets. This is boring. Sure, it’s fun throwing exploding barrels at them, but not nearly as much fun as throwing them into a wall. Plus, these later enemies are far stronger, requiring more than a full clip of ammo to kill. If you’re low on mind powers or there is nothing nearby to toss into them, these enemies are really a pain to fight and just not fun at all.
3. Guns – this game has the lamest assortment of guns. There are only 5 total in the whole game: pistol, shotgun, assault rifle, machine gun and sniper rifle. The Assault rifle and machine gun are pretty much the same thing, though they require different ammo. The shotgun is the only other weapon worth using, though it sucks at long range. The pistol is like a weak pee shooter. And the sniper rifle, though adequate against normal soldiers, are useless against the more powerful enemies. You know those guys I was complaining about before? The ones who are boring to fight? It takes 5 sniper shots to kill them, even if you hit them in the head. Plus, you can only carry two guns at one time, and one of the guns has to the pistol. So, in reality, you only have one gun. Thanks guys. Lame.
4. Cut Scenes – every time you enter a new area the game flashes to an overhead shot of the room. The camera zooms around, showing you the switches you have to hit and where all the bad guys are located. Does anyone like having their hand held through the whole game? I can figure out to hit the red blinking button without you showing it to me beforehand.
5. Too Short – The game clocks in at a hair over 5 hours. Sure, with my frequent deaths it took much longer than that, but it took me 5 hours of play time to finish the game. With no multiplayer mode, and a horrible co-op mode, there really is no reason to buy this game.
6. Control – this is probably the worst part about the game. The game controls so sluggishly you will find yourself dead quite often. In combat, you character moves ridiculously slow when moving backwards which makes it nigh impossible to avoid incoming rockets and grenades. Plus, your torso swivel is very slow, so it’s a pain to hit someone in front of you then turn and hit a guy behind you. Oh, and the game has an auto reload button, which makes fighting with a gun a real pain. You empty one clip in a bad guy then stand around until your character decides to reload. One last in combat complaint: targetting can be quite annoying. If there is a boulder next to a guy and you want to grab the boulder and throw it at that guy it can be quite hard. The game automatically locks on to one object, and it's very difficult to switch the focus to one nearby.
Outside of combat the controls are just as bad. Trying to climb up on ledges is a chore as the game randomly decides what can and cannot be climbed upon. Jumping is a joke; your character is like the second coming of Bill Lambeer. Also, your pointer changes from a neutral green to red when it's on an enemy to a yellow when it's on an item you can pick up. I would have liked if there was one more color, maybe purple, for when you were targetting an item like a gun or health pack.
The worst part, that is so bad it requires a separate paragraph, is the way you interact with ladders. First of all, you can’t jump off them. You have to slowly climb all the way down before you can release yourself. So if someone is shooting you in the back, you calmly walk down the rungs. What were they thinking? And, for god knows what reason, the developers made you magnetically attracted to ladders. Try casually walking by one and you will see yourself sucked towards it. A real pain in the butt.
7. Story Twist – This may be the worst story in a video game since the atrocious Brute Force. You kill hundreds of enemies to get back your memory and powers. I already mentioned that part. What is horrible is the twist in the game. I won’t mention it here, but be forewarned: the story is not entertaining at all. It’s not bad enough to laugh at even. Just skip it. Trust me.
Despite the many, many flaws the game isn’t bad. It just should have been so much better. Out of 10 I’d probably give it a 7.
Top 7 Things I like:
1. Surfing Crates – This is just a blast and really should have been implemented more. For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, I’ll explain. Every level is littered with crates and boulders and other objects primarily used to hurl at enemies. That’s fun, no question about that, but even more fun than throwing them is climbing aboard and riding them. Using the power of telekinesis, you can literally fly around a level on these bad boys. Over rough terrain, up hills and, if you play your cards right, you can kill evil enemies by ramming into them. Simply a blast.
2. Boss Battles – These are kind of a mixed bag, but the good boss battles were really fun to play. Most of them just consisted of dodging your opponent’s attacks while throwing objects from around the room at them. Doesn’t sound too exciting, but it was really fun. One boss throws trains and huge cars at you, which are surprisingly easy to dodge. He can’t be hurt by bullets but some reason he is vulnerable to small crates being thrown gently at him. Good times.
3. Mind Control – I really liked being able to control opponents with my mind. Since fighting with a gun is so weak in this game, I would usually just possess their bodies and promptly force them to commit suicide. Nothing quite like making a guy jump off a cliff or forcing him to jump into a furnace.
4. Ragdoll Physics – To answer Brendan’s question about Chronicles of Riddick, there is no way that game had ragdoll physics. I didn’t realize how cool a realistic enemy body could be in a game. The way their body flops and twitches after you slam them into a wall is hilarious. Plus, with such great animation, it gives you something to play around with when all the enemies in an area are dead. It makes me pine for a two player mode so players can joust using dead bodies. I guess I’ll have to wait for the sequel for that.
5. Gnomes – Anyone who was hardcore into Perfect Dark probably remembers the hidden cheese in each level. You didn’t get anything if you found them, but it was fun to scour levels trying to find where Rare hid the cheese. This game has a similar thing with gnomes. They are hidden throughout each level and are actually quite hard to find. I only found about 4 during my first play through, and I know there are a lot more than that. They do give you bonuses, like extra missions or something, which is even cooler. Gotta love the gnomes.
6. Flaming Guys – When I first got the ability to light guys on fire with the power of my mind, I was actually disappointed. It’s not nearly as much fun as throwing a guy around a room or off a cliff so I never used it. Then I decided to combine the throwing with the flaming and, presto, video game magic. My favorite strategy now is to light the first guy in a room on fire, and then throw his flaming corpse at everyone else in the room. Hilarity ensues.
7. TK Items – I play games for the ability to do stuff I couldn’t normally do in real life. I guess that’s why I love this little feature so much. If there is a health pack or gun way on the other side of the room you can just throw it to yourself with your mind. Heck, even if it’s only a foot away, or you’d have to jump to reach it, you can just bring it to you. Surprisingly fun to do. I just need to perfect this in real life.
Things I do not like:
1. Aura Vision – This is the last ability you earn in the game and, from that moment on, the game takes a downward plunge into crapulence. By hitting right on the D pad you gain aura vision, which lets you see hidden cracks in walls and enemies. This is so frustrating. The hidden enemies are these floating hell beasts that, if you get too close, swarm you and will eventually kill you. Considering that most of the game involves messing up enemies in really cool ways, the developers really ruined the flow by making you sneak around these horribly cheap enemies, sucking the fun from the game. Later, the hell beasts are replaced by floating mines. So no longer can you run into a room and mess stuff up, you have to sneak everywhere you go for fear of accidentally hitting a mine. Boring!
2. Enemies You Can’t Mind Control – Most of the game there is only one type of enemy – a normal soldier. You can pick them up with your mind or control them. This is fun. Later in the game you fight new soldiers with Magneto like mind resistant helmets. This is boring. Sure, it’s fun throwing exploding barrels at them, but not nearly as much fun as throwing them into a wall. Plus, these later enemies are far stronger, requiring more than a full clip of ammo to kill. If you’re low on mind powers or there is nothing nearby to toss into them, these enemies are really a pain to fight and just not fun at all.
3. Guns – this game has the lamest assortment of guns. There are only 5 total in the whole game: pistol, shotgun, assault rifle, machine gun and sniper rifle. The Assault rifle and machine gun are pretty much the same thing, though they require different ammo. The shotgun is the only other weapon worth using, though it sucks at long range. The pistol is like a weak pee shooter. And the sniper rifle, though adequate against normal soldiers, are useless against the more powerful enemies. You know those guys I was complaining about before? The ones who are boring to fight? It takes 5 sniper shots to kill them, even if you hit them in the head. Plus, you can only carry two guns at one time, and one of the guns has to the pistol. So, in reality, you only have one gun. Thanks guys. Lame.
4. Cut Scenes – every time you enter a new area the game flashes to an overhead shot of the room. The camera zooms around, showing you the switches you have to hit and where all the bad guys are located. Does anyone like having their hand held through the whole game? I can figure out to hit the red blinking button without you showing it to me beforehand.
5. Too Short – The game clocks in at a hair over 5 hours. Sure, with my frequent deaths it took much longer than that, but it took me 5 hours of play time to finish the game. With no multiplayer mode, and a horrible co-op mode, there really is no reason to buy this game.
6. Control – this is probably the worst part about the game. The game controls so sluggishly you will find yourself dead quite often. In combat, you character moves ridiculously slow when moving backwards which makes it nigh impossible to avoid incoming rockets and grenades. Plus, your torso swivel is very slow, so it’s a pain to hit someone in front of you then turn and hit a guy behind you. Oh, and the game has an auto reload button, which makes fighting with a gun a real pain. You empty one clip in a bad guy then stand around until your character decides to reload. One last in combat complaint: targetting can be quite annoying. If there is a boulder next to a guy and you want to grab the boulder and throw it at that guy it can be quite hard. The game automatically locks on to one object, and it's very difficult to switch the focus to one nearby.
Outside of combat the controls are just as bad. Trying to climb up on ledges is a chore as the game randomly decides what can and cannot be climbed upon. Jumping is a joke; your character is like the second coming of Bill Lambeer. Also, your pointer changes from a neutral green to red when it's on an enemy to a yellow when it's on an item you can pick up. I would have liked if there was one more color, maybe purple, for when you were targetting an item like a gun or health pack.
The worst part, that is so bad it requires a separate paragraph, is the way you interact with ladders. First of all, you can’t jump off them. You have to slowly climb all the way down before you can release yourself. So if someone is shooting you in the back, you calmly walk down the rungs. What were they thinking? And, for god knows what reason, the developers made you magnetically attracted to ladders. Try casually walking by one and you will see yourself sucked towards it. A real pain in the butt.
7. Story Twist – This may be the worst story in a video game since the atrocious Brute Force. You kill hundreds of enemies to get back your memory and powers. I already mentioned that part. What is horrible is the twist in the game. I won’t mention it here, but be forewarned: the story is not entertaining at all. It’s not bad enough to laugh at even. Just skip it. Trust me.
Despite the many, many flaws the game isn’t bad. It just should have been so much better. Out of 10 I’d probably give it a 7.
// posted by Tom @ 4:23 PM 
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