Monday, May 03, 2004
Crushed by a puny human
Do you ever get to the point in a game where you're cruising along, figuring out puzzles on the fly while blasting any bad guy that comes your way - and then, out of the blue, a huge boss appears and proceeds to kick your butt until your vision is blurry from the constant stream of tears flowing from your eyes and you keep trying to yell for help but the phlegm is blocking your vocal cords? I was at that point in Metroid Prime for 24 long hours. I couldn't sleep with the stink of failure spewing from my pours. Images of the all mighty Omega Pirate flashed into my head whenever I closed my eyes. There I was, pinned against the wall like a helpless squirrel, while he pummeled me mercilessly. He laughed - that deep, guttural, not-quite-human-because-he's-a-genetically-mutated-pirate laugh - while his unholy minions finished me off. I had to walk through an entire day with these images flashing through my eyes. The laughter of children sent shivers up my spine and curses from my mouth when I assumed they were laughing at my ineptitude. Then the debilitating depression hit when I realized they were... but not because of Metroid Prime.
The darkness is gone now. I have finally beaten the Omega Pirate in Metroid Prime, and I am here to not only regale you with tales of conquest, but show you how easy it is to defeat this hellacious beast. Just clear your head of the thoughts of losing and focus your energy on taking down this satanic spawn.
When I first encountered this most giant of evil pirates - the twisted love child of an X-Men Sentinel and Ebeneezer Scrooge - I ran to the farthest corners of the room. He is so tall I, as an adult human, barely even reached his knee. The mere sight of him made me run like the scared girl I had become.
This strategy is as likely to succeed as trying to kill Ghandi by poisoning his food. For you see, the developers of this game, sadistic men that they are, thought they would play the role of psychologists by building a boss so large and scary one cannot help but run away - a strategy they knew full well would lead to the player's demise. The only way to even begin to take on the Omega Pirate is to come as close as you can without actually making contact with him.
I can hear you complain about this strategy already, and your complaints fall on sympathetic ears, but you must believe me. If you take any sort of distance with this warrior you will be pelted with shiny red bombs that will lower your defenses rather quickly. As these bombs are completely unavoidable, you will need to stay close to this Omega Pirate if you want any chance of staying alive long enough to teach baby to tap dance.
While the incoming bombs will no longer bother you up close, a new threat rears its ugly head - the dreaded arm swipe. Sure, when your pet duckling or Roger Ebert attempts such a maneuver you can merely take the blow and laugh at your muscular superiority. Metroid Prime delivers a much deadlier opponent. Omega Pirate is 50 feet tall and made of steel (aren't all pirates made of steel?) so one swipe from him will send you flying into the nearest wall and 1/5 of your life bar will fly down with you.
While this attack cannot, under any circumstance, be avoided, you can make sure Mr. Pirate does not even attempt this. Is this true? Oh, it's true. If you stay very close, but move constantly backwards, he will not be able to swing at you. He likes a stationary target, so make sure you don't back into any walls either, ok?
Now, it's time for your first attack. You will need missiles, lots and lots of missiles, so make sure you're fully loaded before you enter the battle. While it only takes 40 shots to bring him down, you will miss him a few times and there are his miniature minions to worry about later, so come equipped with around 100 missiles.
While you are staying close and avoiding his attacks make sure you are charging your power cannon the entire time. This is when it gets a little tricky. If you stay close to him long enough, eventually he'll grow to hate the little bug you've become and will unleash his Electric Wave Attack of Death. Beware of this attack, respect it, but also love it. This attack is the only way to even begin to hurt him, so anticipate it like summer vacation but make sure you execute the moves like a child blowing up his Teddy Ruxpin with firecrackers.
You can tell when he is set to unleash this attack when a glowing purple ring of electricity circles him. When you see this circle appear, brace yourself, but don't be too hasty with that B button. Wait until he strikes the ground - it will be less than half a moment so stay sharp – then slam on the jump button as the purple ring rockets towards you. If you timed it right, Omega will still be crouched low as you hover unfazed in the air. When you begin your descent, hit B one more time while simultaneously hitting Y to smash his armor off with your Super Missile. Repeat this 3 more times and then you're on to phase 2.
The deadly phase 2 is the place where I saw the blurry screen of death flash oh so often. At this point, all those annoying Elite Pirates you have been battling for the past 4 hours arrive on the scene with a bloodlust you have not encountered previously. You will have no way to prepare for their attacks either. Any of the four deadly variations of pirate can appear, along with a buddy or five, in a violent attempt to take you down.
Any fighting you do at this point will have to be efficient and deadly. Pray for an appearance by the weak white guys or the pansy yellow pirates. You should be able to dispose of these wanna be bad boys in one or two blasts. If a red or purple pirate appears, just do the best you can in the time allowed.
Time allowed? Is there a time limit to these duels? Actually, yes, there is. The only way you can actually harm the Omega Pirate is when his mini cohorts take the stage. At this point, Omega has turned himself invisible and disappeared in any of five Phazon pits. He will not reappear for 10 seconds, so use your time wisely by destroying as many of the Elite Pirates as you can. But when the 10 second mark roles around, switch to X-Ray vision and prepare to attack your mortal foe.
It shouldn't be too hard to locate Omega Pirate - he is bloody huge - but make sure you're jumping and grooving to avoid stray attacks from the still pursuing Elite. When you do catch up to him, blast him with another Super Missile. He will scream in agony and disappear again. Do not turn back to your normal vision mode at this point. I made the mistake of trying to kill off all the Elite Pirates before dealing with the real enemy and found myself dead over and over again. Stay in X-Ray mode for your real enemy will show himself once more in only 5 short seconds.
Once again, blast him with your Super Missile. He will scream a most pained scream. You should notice at this point that half his life bar is gone. You need only to repeat the steps I have listed above one more time to finally defeat him once and for all. Your reward for this battle is a suit of black and white that makes the previous wardrobe choices of Samus look quite lame in comparison.
The darkness is gone now. I have finally beaten the Omega Pirate in Metroid Prime, and I am here to not only regale you with tales of conquest, but show you how easy it is to defeat this hellacious beast. Just clear your head of the thoughts of losing and focus your energy on taking down this satanic spawn.
When I first encountered this most giant of evil pirates - the twisted love child of an X-Men Sentinel and Ebeneezer Scrooge - I ran to the farthest corners of the room. He is so tall I, as an adult human, barely even reached his knee. The mere sight of him made me run like the scared girl I had become.
This strategy is as likely to succeed as trying to kill Ghandi by poisoning his food. For you see, the developers of this game, sadistic men that they are, thought they would play the role of psychologists by building a boss so large and scary one cannot help but run away - a strategy they knew full well would lead to the player's demise. The only way to even begin to take on the Omega Pirate is to come as close as you can without actually making contact with him.
I can hear you complain about this strategy already, and your complaints fall on sympathetic ears, but you must believe me. If you take any sort of distance with this warrior you will be pelted with shiny red bombs that will lower your defenses rather quickly. As these bombs are completely unavoidable, you will need to stay close to this Omega Pirate if you want any chance of staying alive long enough to teach baby to tap dance.
While the incoming bombs will no longer bother you up close, a new threat rears its ugly head - the dreaded arm swipe. Sure, when your pet duckling or Roger Ebert attempts such a maneuver you can merely take the blow and laugh at your muscular superiority. Metroid Prime delivers a much deadlier opponent. Omega Pirate is 50 feet tall and made of steel (aren't all pirates made of steel?) so one swipe from him will send you flying into the nearest wall and 1/5 of your life bar will fly down with you.
While this attack cannot, under any circumstance, be avoided, you can make sure Mr. Pirate does not even attempt this. Is this true? Oh, it's true. If you stay very close, but move constantly backwards, he will not be able to swing at you. He likes a stationary target, so make sure you don't back into any walls either, ok?
Now, it's time for your first attack. You will need missiles, lots and lots of missiles, so make sure you're fully loaded before you enter the battle. While it only takes 40 shots to bring him down, you will miss him a few times and there are his miniature minions to worry about later, so come equipped with around 100 missiles.
While you are staying close and avoiding his attacks make sure you are charging your power cannon the entire time. This is when it gets a little tricky. If you stay close to him long enough, eventually he'll grow to hate the little bug you've become and will unleash his Electric Wave Attack of Death. Beware of this attack, respect it, but also love it. This attack is the only way to even begin to hurt him, so anticipate it like summer vacation but make sure you execute the moves like a child blowing up his Teddy Ruxpin with firecrackers.
You can tell when he is set to unleash this attack when a glowing purple ring of electricity circles him. When you see this circle appear, brace yourself, but don't be too hasty with that B button. Wait until he strikes the ground - it will be less than half a moment so stay sharp – then slam on the jump button as the purple ring rockets towards you. If you timed it right, Omega will still be crouched low as you hover unfazed in the air. When you begin your descent, hit B one more time while simultaneously hitting Y to smash his armor off with your Super Missile. Repeat this 3 more times and then you're on to phase 2.
The deadly phase 2 is the place where I saw the blurry screen of death flash oh so often. At this point, all those annoying Elite Pirates you have been battling for the past 4 hours arrive on the scene with a bloodlust you have not encountered previously. You will have no way to prepare for their attacks either. Any of the four deadly variations of pirate can appear, along with a buddy or five, in a violent attempt to take you down.
Any fighting you do at this point will have to be efficient and deadly. Pray for an appearance by the weak white guys or the pansy yellow pirates. You should be able to dispose of these wanna be bad boys in one or two blasts. If a red or purple pirate appears, just do the best you can in the time allowed.
Time allowed? Is there a time limit to these duels? Actually, yes, there is. The only way you can actually harm the Omega Pirate is when his mini cohorts take the stage. At this point, Omega has turned himself invisible and disappeared in any of five Phazon pits. He will not reappear for 10 seconds, so use your time wisely by destroying as many of the Elite Pirates as you can. But when the 10 second mark roles around, switch to X-Ray vision and prepare to attack your mortal foe.
It shouldn't be too hard to locate Omega Pirate - he is bloody huge - but make sure you're jumping and grooving to avoid stray attacks from the still pursuing Elite. When you do catch up to him, blast him with another Super Missile. He will scream in agony and disappear again. Do not turn back to your normal vision mode at this point. I made the mistake of trying to kill off all the Elite Pirates before dealing with the real enemy and found myself dead over and over again. Stay in X-Ray mode for your real enemy will show himself once more in only 5 short seconds.
Once again, blast him with your Super Missile. He will scream a most pained scream. You should notice at this point that half his life bar is gone. You need only to repeat the steps I have listed above one more time to finally defeat him once and for all. Your reward for this battle is a suit of black and white that makes the previous wardrobe choices of Samus look quite lame in comparison.
// posted by Tom @ 10:33 PM 
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